The more I teach, the more a pattern I start seeing in my Asian clientele. It's certainly not all inconclusive in that every Asian male has the same sticking points, but I definitely see certain sticking points and/or limiting beliefs that are consistently hampering Asian guys in their quest for hooking up with women or having relationships with them.
I've divided them up between sticking points (ie Outer Game) versus limiting beliefs (ie Inner Game). Let's start with Inner Game:
- Racism: Yes, it exists. It doesn't happen often when I'm told bluntly that the girl I'm gaming tells me to my face that she doesn't like Asian men or when I'm racially AMOGed (Alpha Male Other Group) by a dude, but it happens. The more extreme cases are like LittlePUA who was assaulted multiple times by neo-Nazis or the Asian bro in Alabama who got pulled into a parking lot by 3 dudes and his nose broken. Except what starts to happen is that Asian men start making a mountain out of a molehill. Yes, it exists, but instead of treating it like a 5 pound weight, they start treating it like an unsurmountable 50 pound weight.
- Obsessed over the Interracial Disparity: There's a phenomenom that you'll find on almost any Asian forum, that of the IR Disparity which is the beaten dead horse where Asians obsess over why so many Asian women are dating/marrying outside of their ethnicity for white guys or why the media is to blame that white women don't want Asian men. It's actually a documented fact (more Asian women do marry outside of their race compared white women, black women, etc according to the US Census Bureau), but the obsessing about it really hurts your confidence level. Yes, it's there. Now get over it.
- I Only Want White Women (or whatever): Yes, people have certain preferences (I like big breasts for example) but here the attraction is based purely on person's skin coloration. Similar to Asian women who only like white guys, or white men who like Asian girls, there's a certain amount of reverse racism going on here where the assumption is that white is better. I'm not going to lie, I went through that phase myself hooking up with as many blonde, blue eyed, big boobied women as I could, but I'm over that now having traveled all over the world and dipped my wick in the veritable rainbow.
- I Don't Deserve White Women (or whatever): This one crops up quite a bit as well where the assumption is that "I'm Asian, I don't deserve a beautiful [Insert Type Here] woman." Whatever the cause (one could discuss it ad naseum), this is a very damaging belief system that can effectively undermine any man in his quest for tail.
- Killer Instinct: I wrote about this trait as an essential characteristic to have in order to be successful at the Game of pick up. It's essentially that fire in your belly, that competitive edge in you that says, "Yeah, I want her and I'm going to win!" or "That guy has nothing on me and I'm going to blow him out like the tool he is." It's the part of you that has to decide, "Am I competitor? Or am I OK with settling for second place?" It's that desire to win and succeed and overcome any obstacle that you face where the adrenaline starts pumping when you enter into a venue and realize how wonderfully hostile the bar is that's overflowing with AMOGs and hot sorority chicks. With places like that, I look at them as a Target Rich Environment full of opportunity to TEST myself, compete, and have a helluva lot of fun. NOT a room full of impossibilities and negativity.
- Direct Interest or Sexuality: This one's borderline Inner Game and Outer Game. Whether it's due to cultural conservatism or whatever, there's a fear of rejection when you make a SOI (Statement of Interest), go Direct, go for the kiss or just conveying sensuality to a woman you're interested in. After all, this is the moment when you put your money where your mouth is and your balls on the line. But hey, if you don't do it, you're stuck in Friendsville, population You.
- Nice Guy Syndrome: This is pretty much universal, but it needs to be said nonetheless. My view of "Nice Guys" are that they are the male equivalent of female sluts. One gives sex freely in order gain validation from men while "Nice Guys" give niceness (in the form of time, money, etc) freely in order to gain validation from women. They want people to like them at their own expense which can translate into numerous Outer Game phenomena (like body language, expensive dates, etc.).
- Shyness: Here we have a true anathema to Asian men. The inability to have confidence around people (especially women) and thusly convey confidence as well as personality. You could be the coolest, funniest dude around, but if you're too shy around women to convey those attractive aspects of yourself, then you're just another quiet Asian guy.
- Nerdiness/Follower: Another Asian phenomena that has to do with the way the family structure and priorities work. Get good grades, go to school, get a degree, get a good job, and THEN get the girl. In other words, become a non-thinking cog of a greater machine and join the rat race. And once you HAVE money/status, THEN you can get the girl. Which preassumes that said collegiate Asian is only worthy to have women once he has money. Not a good belief system in my mind.
- Fresh Off the Boat (or FOBs): This translates directly into cultural understanding like fashion, hair style, sense of humor as well as accents. Can't really blame the guys since they moved here recently, but it does hold them back if they don't understand the social nuances as well as coming from a background that's even more steeped in some of the detrimental Inner Game aspects mentioned previously. However, one thing I've noticed about FOB students is that while they're coming from a different cultural background that's alien to the women that they are gaming, they themselves truly have a determination to succeed and step outside of their comfort zone (I mean, they are living in a foreign or newly adopted country after all).
- Height/Physicality: Not much you can do about height except for the way that you think about it. I'm not going to baffle you with BS here, yes height, looks, and muscles all play a part in attraction. There's a reason why over half the other Pick Up gurus are tall white guys. But it's the way you think about it, whether or not you truly believe that because you're short that you can't get the girl (ie the above sticking point "I Don't Deserve White Women (or whatever)"). Game (ie personality) is the equalizer. And you can work out in order to improve certain aspects of your physique. I'm a standard 5"6 and 140lb, but I put on 40 pounds in college to go from painfully thin to average. Stack the deck in your favor is my philosophy.
These aren't applicable to all Asian men, far from it, but it is a noticeable tendency and one that will hopefully change in time as more and more Asian PUAs (Pick Up Artists) gain the limelight and start coming into our own.
Outer Game sticking points to be continued...
Labels: Interracial Dating Disparity, Racism