All right, dear readers, here's the third (one more to go!) section of sticking points that I see in men (especially Asian men). A lot of these apply to any guy, no matter the race, who's trying to master dating, understanding the nuances of attraction, and getting together with that really cute girl you've had your eye on.
If you have any other specific Sticking Points and/or Limiting Beliefs you'd like me to discuss, feel free to comment and add your input.
- NOT BEING ABLE TO HOLD THE CONVERSATION
- After Approaching the Woman: The second most common sticking point that’s pretty universal is they’ve gone up to the girl, opened her with whatever icebreaker, and then proceed to blank out.
- The Issue: When it comes to Asian men, I think a lot has to do with both your life experiences as well as ability. If all you’ve done is stay indoors, play video games, done online dating, gone to engineering college, etc. than you don’t really have ANYTHING to talk about. No hobbies, no opinions, nada.
- Story Telling: The ability part is that you want to CONVEY YOUR PERSONALITY via storytelling, telling your opinions, and experiences. It’s like the chicken and the egg problem. If you haven’t lived life, than you can’t convey your personality. But if you can’t convey your personality to women, then you aren’t really living life to the fullest. You NEED to be ACTIVE and DOING things. Stop playing Halo, Lineage, and whatever. Stop the internet dating (hell, take a gander at my Freakonomics post for 257,000 reasons). Get out there and DO MORE.
- The Problem: This actually applies to both the shy guys and the PUAs (Pick Up Artists). As newbies, they don't know how to relate or emotionally connect with women. As PUAs, we become somewhat cynical and jaded because we know what works and why women behave as they do.
- The Solution: The practical solution to connecting with women are things like deep cold reads, regression stories, commonalities, and the like. The not so practical solution is to retool your own thinking and understand that, yes, while women are just as horny as men, they themselves aren't objects but real, live, breathing women. I'm not a relationship type guy, but I definitely believe in the saying that PUAs should enrich a woman's life whether it's that one night of adventure, fun and sex or a lifetime of deep commitment.
- BEING SOCIAL AND THE LEADER OF MEN
- “If you lead the men, the women will follow” [Mystery]: I know lots of connected people in the nightlife and been hooked up with their social circle women because they view me as a fellow hunter and competitor in the savannah. I’m not a shy guy and I let myself be heard. I've developed social circles from scratch when I moved to Dallas and still continue to do so today since I travel so much for bootcamps.
- Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way: This is where you decide that you’re a competitor and have that killer instinct to take it to the battle field and compete with everyone else. If you want to be considered Alpha, then you need to BE ALPHA. Take control. Talk to guys. Befriend them. Lead them. Have fun going out. Do what YOU want. TAKE CHARGE. Don’t be intimidated by other dudes be they white or black. Yes, on occasion, I’ve been racially AMOGed (Alpha Male Other Group), but those are uncommon events.
- HAVING SURVIVAL VALUE, BUT NO REPRODUCTIVE VALUE
- Provider: Another Mystery concept, is that of S&R Value or Survival and Replication. In short, Survival Value is that which a woman judges a man based on his resources and if he’s capable of taking care of her and her offspring (ie the provider/boyfriend/husband). That’s what a good, solid career choice allows you. For Asian guys, we concentrate on going to college, getting the degree, getting a job, making money, and then getting the girl. BORING. In other words, yeah, you’d be a good husband/father, but a terrible lover (Computer Programmers and Engineers, I’m looking at YOU).
- Lover: Replication/Reproduction Value are those traits that tell a woman, “Damn, I bet he’s good in bed.” That’s for lovers, one night stands, and hook up buddies. These can be demonstrated via social proof, leadership, sensuality, muscles, and the right job (ie male model, fitness trainer, bartender, etc.).
- "What do you do?": You need hobbies and other interests that convey that you have other qualities like working out, doing exciting things like surfing, and being around women. Realize, that when women ask you "What do you do?", they aren't really asking that (unless she's a straight up golddigger which you'll find), but rather "WHO ARE YOU?" Don't give them the superficial, "I'm a computer programmer", or run evasive Cocky & Funny lines, give them something MORE to chew on that speaks volumes about you, that you have value on both the practical and the sexual level.
Labels: Attraction Switches, C - Compliance Comfort and Connect, Interracial Dating Disparity, Replication Value, Survival Value