I'm finally back from Los Angeles. Funny AMOG (Alpha Male Other Guy) story coming up, but I'm going to continue with Asian Men's sticking points.
Previously, I talked about internal limiting beliefs that hold some Asian men back. They may not apply to you in particular, but these are the points that I find pretty consistent with a good many of the Asian bros that I’ve taught, met and/or seen. I’ve actually had to break this into a three part series post since there are many pitfalls down the attraction and seduction pathway.
So let’s talk about Outer Game (things that are in your control about yourself on the outside and personality conveyance) and the actual methodology that a lot of Asians (both students and naturals) that I see have as sticking points. Note, a good majority of these sticking points are pretty universal to every group of guys who are just starting down the road of picking up women and/or mastering their dating lifestyle. Whether it’s due to our own upbringing, culture, media, or perceived stereotypes, howtever, they pop up quite a bit in us Asians.
- ASIAN HAIR STYLE
- Background: Yeah, a pretty universal bane of Asian men, I’m sure a lot of Asian bros can commiserate. I’ve changed hairstyles quite a bit from totally wack to totally dope and I’m continuing and willing to try different things out, though it takes time to break in a good hair stylist and what works for the straight, coarse, thick Asian hair. So what to do with your Asian hair? Do it too short, and it looks like you’re out of the Marine corp. Too long and it starts turning into an afro. I’ve even seen Asian guys with perms. Ugh.
- Current Trends: Here are my observations of current Asian men hair style: chilli bowl haircut (alas, a rite of passage for many Asian children), short Marine hair, medium/short spiky hair, tapered hair with a part in the middle, long flowing (not quite Fabio, but you get the idea), long spiky/messy hair, long rocker/emo and the bloody DRAGON BALL Z hair. Buddha on a stick, if there’s one thing that gnaws my ass is the Dragon Ball Z hair. It’s like the Asian version of the New York Guido/Gotti/Hotti look where it’s super, super gelled and super, super long. Luckily this only seems to apply for Asian teeny-boppers. The tapered hair (where the sides look very military) and the part in the middle works for SOME guys. For the most part, it makes a lot of Asian guys look like penis heads.
- What Works: The short/medium spiky hair, the rocker/emo hair, and the long flowing hair seem to look best for Asian men. And if you’re going bald, shave it. Yeah, you heard me right, just shave the damn thing and get a tan. Everyone already knows you’re going bald, just bite the bullet it and do it. It’ll look ten times better than that receding hairline. SpiritFingers also wrote an awesome article on good Asian hairstyles and how to work it.
- ASIAN HIGHLIGHTS
- Background: A spinoff of the previous hair bullet point, this one’s tricky. Not everyone is down with coloring their hair, but if you so choose, then read on. Before jumping in though, you NEED someone who does hair that has a really good sense of what they’re doing and what looks good on you.
- What Doesn't Work: I’ve seen Asian dudes who have gone overboard with it and it just looks horrible. Again, you really need someone who’s got a keen eye for this type of thing. Look in Japanese or Korean magazines for a good sense of what I’m talking about. Some go overboard and look like freaks, but the majority of the overseas Asian celebrities have it done just right. No all blonde hair for me, thank you. Also, avoid the "patchwork" or quilt like look too. You'll look like a hyena.
- What Works: When I did highlights, I went for moderation. Some blonde/brown highlights, but nothing overboard. Avoid fancy colors like pink/blue/purple. Get them done on the tips and not your entire skull. I try to go with someone who’s done Asian hair coloring before (I avoid FOB-dedicated areas and go more uptown/posh) or a gay man. Yeah, pretty stereotypical of me, but they know what looks good. I prefer things that are, yes, noticeable and stylish, but not garish.
- ASIAN FASHION
- Background: Whether you’re a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) or American born, there are certain Asian fashions that really set my teeth on edge. What’s curious is that the Asian homelands of China, Korea and Japan have really good clothes that range from advent garde to really stylish. Yet somehow it gets lost in translation over here in the States. Go figure.
- The Bad: FOBs don’t always know what constitutes the American flair for fashion so that can be forgiven and rectified. A mishmash of oversized to too small and clashing colors. However, I consistently see at Asian parties the Asian bros dressed in uniform colors of black, grey, and dark blue. STOP SHOPPING AT BANANNA REPBULIC AND THE GAP. Attack of the clones!
- The Good: Armani Exchange is OK for a FEW pieces, but not your entire wardrobe. Get a little color and panache in your clothes. If you're a little bit thuggy, go for it. It's not my style, but that's exactly what we're talking about. HAVE A SENSE OF IDENTITY. Your clothes do speak for you the moment you enter the room. A woman pretty much decides whether you're screwable or not within 30 seconds based on your looks, the way you carry yourself and your fashion. Clothes are a way to present yourself so if you're a bad boy, convey that you're a badboy. If you're a rocker, dress like one but even better. I wrote extensively on this as one of a woman's attraction switches.
- APPROACH ANXIETY
- The Problem: This is the Number #1 sticking approach out there for any new guy no matter the race though it afflicts many of the shy Asian guys. If you can’t approach, then you can’t really start to work on either the actual skillset as well as mastering your own internal confidence and lifestyle. I see it all the time, a group of lone Asian guys in the Circle of Lamers (who then approach once they’ve seen me or a student open a group of girls… good for them… finally). I believe this has its roots internally and externally. Internally, it’s the fear that they aren’t attractive enough, assume that the girl(s) isn’t into Asian guys, or whatever. Externally, they don’t know HOW to properly approach an attractive woman.
- The Solution: The latter’s easy to fix because there are MANY different styles that can suit you when approaching women. The former is much harder because you have to essentially rework and reprogram yourself. To use a nerdy analogy, think of yourself like Neo and start looking OUTSIDE the Matrix. Start seeing the code for what it is and learn that you can take advantage of it. You aren’t destined to wash yourself out of the gene pool… unless you LET yourself. Start exposing yourself to social situations where you're forced to interact with people especially attractive women. Captain Jack also has a good post on killing Approach Anxiety.
- Simple Icebreakers: Have some icebreaker in mind to start the conversation. Could be a simple, "Hello, my name is..." to a canned indirect line like, "Hey guys, who lies more?" to the more ballsy, but direct, "You're very beautiful, I'd like to get to know you." But whatever you choose, just do it. Consistently. Daily. Weekly. As many times as you can until that fear erodes away. What you'll start seeing is that it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it and HOW you follow up on it. Which will lead us in to the next post in this series. Until then...
Labels: Approach Anxiety, Asian Hair, Fashion, Interracial Dating Disparity, Racism