I mean, we've all heard the platitude, "Be confident", right? Easier said than done. Confidence is an ambigious, all encompassing term that women KNOW when they see it, but can't quite put their finger on it. Other guys KNOW when they meet a cool, confident guy, but they don't understand what makes this one dude better than all the other lamers.
Well, here are MY practical suggestions on developing both inner and outer confidence. It's essentially a self-feeding loop, things that you do on the outside (your gestures, movements, etc.) feed into your own ego as well as vice versa. When you ARE confident, then you ACT confident. This isn't easy to develop for most guys.
If you aren't "naturally" a confident guy, then you're basically going to have to fake it until you make it. And yes, it's going to be hard and women are going to be able to read right through you in the beginning. But it's like developing a muscle. It requires a lot of time, practice, and social development. You'll start to develop this social savvy, flirting skills and you won't be nervous in social settings. But like exercising, it's gonna hurt and be uncomfortable as you supersize those flirting muscles.
- MOVE SLOW. I don't mean robot slow, but a VERY self-assured "I'm in no hurry so you can sit your ass down and wait until I'm done" kind of slow. This means controlling any nervous tics like crazy hand movements, turning around and around, rubbernecking like some tourist at all the hot girls, scurrying around & getting out of people's way, etc. You can be animated, but don't look like a fucking yapping puppy dog on caffeine.
- LEAN BACK (Sitting). When you're sitting, lean back and BE COMFORTABLE. Your comfort, relaxation and pleasure ARE MORE IMPORTANT than what other people think of you. When you're bullshitting with your friends in the living room, odds are you're kicking back in the couch and relaxing like the fucking couch potato you are. The same goes for any other social setting. YOUR COMFORT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU.
- LEAN BACK (Standing). The same goes for when you're standing and talking with someone. I was at Drama Club when I saw this cute, blonde girl go up and talk to these Asian guys. The one guy was very animated (nothing necessarily wrong with that), but was leaning back and forth into the girl. I mean, the dude looked like a fucking pendulum how fast he kept on moving back in and out. Trust me, that's weird. Ideally, you want to appear chill and relaxed. As you talk to someone, you (as a sign of comfort, and intimacy) begin to lean in while SHE leans in as well.
- SMILE & FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. Don't smile TOO much, but give her a smile. Too much smiling makes you look like a tool. Also realize that there are TONS of different smiles and facial expressions. There's the sexy smile, the smoldering smile, the laughing at you/me smile, the smirk, the innocent smile, the puzzled smile, the "you're fucking retarded" look, the "I want to kiss you" look, the "Fuck me now" look, sticking your tongue out at her, etc. Use them ALL. Asians especially need to do this because, for whatever reason, our facial expressions aren't the most readable to others.
- FEET. Similar to #3, when you're standing, don't stand like a fucking girl: your feet and knees are together. Stand like a fucking man. Men take up lots of space. We need air to circulate between our cock and balls. Spread your feet apart. This also has the added benefit of giving you better balance in case some dude wants to knock your block off.
- DRINKS. If you're holding a drink, don't hug it like it's your only friend. Hold it down by your side. Look around you when you're at a bar. People hold their drinks in front of their chest like it's their baby or they don't know what to do with their hands. And NEVER, EVER BUY A GIRL A DRINK in order to talk to her. That's lame and she knows it. Lots of pretty women use that tactic in order to get free drinks. Now, it's OK later on when you've been flirting with her, sitting with her, chilling with her for 30 minutes to an hour. Then it's like you're just buying a round of drinks for you and your friends. But NEVER BUY A GIRL A DRINK as a way to open up a girl.
- TOUCH. Don't be afraid to touch girls. I mean, don't you enjoy it when a women touches your arm, chest, back, etc.? Same thing with girls, they enjoy physical touch as well. Obviously, however, there always a comfort line. But as you flirt, that comfort increases. You can touch the shoulder, arm, give her a noogie, pick her up, booty bump her, spin her around, throw your arm over her shoulders, hugs, etc. If you're a cool guy, they will love it. Again, this takes some skill to develop.
- VOICE VOLUME. If you're talking in a loud venue, you need to be able to speak loudly and clearly. No one pays attention to the guy who's just whispering. Conversely, you should be able to pull a girl in and start speaking slowly and seductively.
- VOICE SPEED. Don't not speak TOO fast. It's a sign of nervousness and discomfort. If you sound like some kid who forgot his daily dose of Ritalin, you're gonna weird people out.
- CONVERSATION. You need to be able to generate conversation on the fly. You say something, she says something. If you can't hold a conversation for the life of you, start practicing and doing more with your life so you HAVE something to talk about. Be humorous, playful, excited, sad, vunerable, curious, etc.
- DOMINATE. Physical space is an illusion. It's something that's really just in our minds. Don't be afraid to get into someone's physical space or they into yours. If you're flirting with someone, slowly step into their space. When turning people around, place your hand on their shoulder and gently move them. Tapping on their shoulder is weak. If you go up to a table to talk to someone, place both hands on the table and lean.
- EYE CONTACT. This is self-obvious. In other counries, eye contact isn't a big deal, but in America and Europe, it most definitely is. If you can't MAKE and HOLD eye contact, you're a big pussy in both worlds.
Hell, there's more but I'll delve into that another time. When I have time, I'll explore inner confidence, your beliefs and reality.
Labels: Outer Confidence, Pick Up Artist Tips