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Asian Men & Black Women: Dating's Final Frontier

[UPDATE: This blog is no longer being updated. For the very best and very latest in my continuing (mis)adventures, techniques, results, and pictures, please go to my ABCs of Attraction Blog! Thanks and I'll see you on the other side! - JT]

If it wasn’t already apparent in the media, Asian men and Black women are the most under-sexualized class of citizens in the United States.

Just do a Google search about anything relating to Asian men or Black women as potential dating partners and probably the ONLY couple you will find is John Cho (Star Trek) and Gabrielle Union of NBC’s, “Flash Forward,” (alas, since canceled) which is a very recent show and pairing.

There’s no denying that sexually attractive men and beautiful women have many options regardless of their race. However, it’s uncommon to see an Asian man and Black woman as an interracial couple. For those Asian men who are actively dating the opposite is factual.

It’s easy to become classified as asexual when there aren’t any steps taken in working towards becoming a more sexual man or even approaching women. Or even opening up your MIND to dating outside your race and not just white women, but Latinas, Indian, and African American women. Without trying, how can an accurate assessment of one’s attractiveness be gauged?

I myself have dated two beautiful women of Ethiopian descent whom I would describe as the Scandinavians of African women: tall, lithe, and curvey, just the way I like them.

With that being said, there are some negative views about both Asian men and Black women which poorly represent these two groups of people. Some of these negative views are that Asian men aren’t manly enough and Black women aren’t feminine enough. Another is that Asian men are not as socially outgoing and Black women are too loud and outspoken.

This is simply not the case. There are many beautiful Black women who are intelligent with very feminine features and dominant and Asian men with social savvy and leadership skills. An example I had previously mentioned is John Cho and Gabrielle Union from “Flash Forward”. This is an interracial couple consisting of two attractive people that are Asian and Black.

Some can point out that this type of relationship is uncommon and they would be right, but that's not a reason for Asian men to NOT start dating more Black women.

Approaching Women with Confidence Is Universal.

Here are some ways to increase the chances of success with Black women. Many women of other races rarely have Asian men approach them and so it usually comes as a surprise when a confident Asian male expresses his interest in them. We essentially come in under the radar and are, in MY experience and my STUDENT'S experience with black women, 10 times more effective for it.

For this reason, a direct opener is the most effective way to begin conversation. This does require exuding physical confidence and being playfully at ease.

A direct opener could be, “I saw you walking by and I want you to know that you are amazingly sexy.” You are not trying to protect your ego by hiding behind humor or "street hollering" at her. You're expressing yourself and leaving yourself vulnerable because you are being sincere, genuine, and honest.

Any direct opener you use should be fine for as long as you make it clear that you are sexually interested in her. Avoid openers like, “I just had to tell you that you have some cute shoes” since you’re giving a compliment and not showing direct interest.

It defeats the purpose of coming across as a sexually confident male by mentioning irrelevant details.

Once you’re in, make it a habit to add some dominance to your attitude. Don't simply nod and agree to everything she says, and thus being the "Nice Guy" doormat. This means that you should make it a note to speak your mind without hesitation and take action when deemed necessary. A confident man intentionally says what he wants and does what he feels is necessary.

Often times, Asian men are used to holding back their opinions and can take less action because they feel that their daily lives require it. This can be seen in the office, with family, and other social situations that Asian men have been culturally taught to stay quiet. Black women are strong and they want a man who can hold his own.

Be that man.

Identifying the aspects of interracial dating between Asian men and Black women are important but it is not meant to be the focal point. You want to show the best parts of yourself to negate the negative views of Asian men and accentuate the positive views.

Regardless of the built in stereotypes, there are a lot that these two classes of people have to offer in the dating world and as Asian men you should expand your dating reality. There are a lot of beautiful Black women out there for you to meet and as many Asian men at the ABCs of Attraction can attest to: Black women love Asian men and vice versa.

In point of fact, the first woman one of my New York students ever became engaged to was a beautiful black woman he ran into at a coffee shop. Even with his heart pounding, palms sweating, with EVERYONE staring at this 5"2 baby-faced Korean, he walked up to her, smiled, said hello, and a year and a half later, he was engaged to her.

And that's what I teach. If you want the woman of your dreams, become the man of her's!


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Anonymous how to attract women said...

a strange phenomena

6/17/2010 8:53 AM

Anonymous N'jaila said...

"Last Frontier"

so Black women are ... Alaska?

6/19/2010 9:36 AM

Blogger The Asian Playboy said...

It's an allusion to John Cho's role as Sulu in the new Star Trek, silly rabbit.

6/19/2010 9:56 AM

Anonymous N'jaila Rhee said...

It's a pretty poor choice for a title, especially when your site features not to many women of color except for this article.

just not a good look.

6/19/2010 2:51 PM

Anonymous N'jaila said...

and sorry to sound like a dork, but the what does John Cho as Sulu have to do with dating black women? Doesn't that seem like bit of a stretch?

I mean if Uhrah and Sulu ever got it on that would make sense...but she give the sticky buns to the Vulcan. You mentioned Star Trek in passing in the opening.

He's depicted as dating a black woman in show Flash Forward... and he cheats on her with a lesbian.

So wouldn't it make more sense and be a lot less dismissive of black women to not call us "The last Frontier"

6/19/2010 3:08 PM

Blogger Nzinga said...

I don't agree with N'jaila. Why criticise unnecessarily when this is so rare and so much needed at all? And I fail to understand what makes the mention of the fictitious but believable character pairing of John Cho and Gabrielle Union a 'stretch'. Don't be a hater, N'jaila. Asian Playboy, thanks much for putting this info out there for the men we love especially the ones with the yellow skin, narrow eyes and fathomless hearts.

7/13/2010 6:43 PM

Blogger The Asian Playboy said...

Thanks Nzinga!

Be sure to read the followup where a young 19 year old Asian brother took my advice and asked out his first beautiful black woman! ;)

7/13/2010 6:48 PM

Anonymous N'jaila Rhee said...

A hater?

I don't think you understood AT ALL what I was trying to say.

Not being critical of the depictions of Asian men and Black women will not help in creating healthy depictions.

My issue is with the implications that Black women are "the Last Frontier" for Asian men in terms of dating. Its an unfortunate title with a lot of loaded negative meaning for black woman.

I grew up in a Blasian home and as a Black woman who dates Asian men I personally don't want to be last bit of land he had left to conquer or the cold vacuum of space.

I have no ill will or animosity toward JT and in fact wrote a piece for him on Asian Men and Black women.

8/14/2010 11:42 PM

Anonymous FunkyMunky said...

So true. I am a Chinese man and my girlfriend is Black. We have been going out for a few years and we have a great time together and we really care about each other.

You are so right about the racial issues. Even on just our FIRST date I got some serious heckling (right to my face) by black men and strange looks from Asian women just because I was with a black woman. This continues to this day, but now I know what to expect and how to respond to it.

You both have to be strong and know your own identity. It will be tested, and then tested again. Society is more comfortable with Black men dating Asian women than Asian men dating Black women. It is just part of the world we live in and it will apply that pressure to you both.

The two cultures are seemingly so far apart that you may have to try harder to fight the racial and cultural preconceptions about not only being a minority yourself, but also being a seldom seen gender/minority mix TOGETHER.

Any issues you face you will have to deal with together. Sticking together and sticking to your guns is the only way to respond the variety of cultural barrage and questions people WILL ask.

Do what makes you happy and do not pay them any mind. If you're good, you're good. Black women can be strong, confident, and oh so sexy.

Be strong, be yourself, and enjoy!

8/20/2010 12:08 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an attractive, educated, witty, independent black woman who has dated all races of men except Asian men. Despite the fact that I have come across quite a few attractive AM none have approached me...I met a cute Chinese guy online but communication faltered and we never did meet...my question is this where and how does a BW meet AM? Are there any websites that cater to this kind of preference?

1/06/2011 4:42 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi can you tell us more about the AM/BW couple that are engaged? Great story.

1/13/2011 7:14 PM

Anonymous Dulce said...

Scandinavians of African women?.....wow that a smack in the face....why the comparision to a White country? Why not just they are just beautiful people? Would be kinda like me say Chinese men are the Mexicans of Asian short, stout, and tan just the way I like em....

7/19/2011 6:21 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anyone know of a good site for Black women to meet Asian men?

8/13/2011 9:48 PM

Anonymous Leo Barrentine said...

@Anonymous blacknasianlove.com is a good site for black women to meet Asian men.

9/14/2011 12:07 AM

Blogger TRACY BARNES said...

Such a nice way to see the amazing dating tips with asian women and black men. asian women and black men date is such a wonderful date.

12/16/2011 8:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for stating the obvious! Great post.

1/25/2012 6:32 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

blacknasianlove.com is a horrid site and more than 75% of their profiles are auto generated. bwamu2.ning.com/ is an ok place. I've met a few great people there and it is exactly what it says...black women/asian men.

Good luck to all those seeking! And great blog post.

2/25/2012 12:21 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a black female who has always been attracted to asian men. However, it's hard to find venues to meet asian men. I've tried approaching them on dating sites with no success. Do you know of any dating sites exclusive to asian/black dating? I've researched on google, but the ones I've come across are low quality & I don't think their focus is truly on connecting asian and black people interested in dating.

4/17/2012 10:08 AM

Blogger Nino Moharam said...

Most dating sites that I have tried have been quite disappointing. They are ok for a laugh but not if you really are looking for something. So I searched for dating website for real relationship and I found this globogirls.com and it was really good, it is a good way to see what is out there. There are a lot of different people in different countries, but some good ones too. The good thing about it is that it's totally secure because they have the feature of video chatting with these girls so you'll not share your personal contacts unless you're 100% sure , One thing that I really liked was the tips on how to avoid scam and fraud.

6/03/2013 6:42 PM


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