Asian Men & Black Women: Dating's Final Frontier
[UPDATE: This blog is no longer being updated. For the very best and very latest in my continuing (mis)adventures, techniques, results, and pictures, please go to my ABCs of Attraction Blog! Thanks and I'll see you on the other side! - JT]
If it wasn’t already apparent in the media, Asian men and Black women are the most under-sexualized class of citizens in the United States.
Just do a Google search about anything relating to Asian men or Black women as potential dating partners and probably the ONLY couple you will find is John Cho (Star Trek) and Gabrielle Union of NBC’s, “Flash Forward,” (alas, since canceled) which is a very recent show and pairing.
There’s no denying that sexually attractive men and beautiful women have many options regardless of their race. However, it’s uncommon to see an Asian man and Black woman as an interracial couple. For those Asian men who are actively dating the opposite is factual.
It’s easy to become classified as asexual when there aren’t any steps taken in working towards becoming a more sexual man or even approaching women. Or even opening up your MIND to dating outside your race and not just white women, but Latinas, Indian, and African American women. Without trying, how can an accurate assessment of one’s attractiveness be gauged?
I myself have dated two beautiful women of Ethiopian descent whom I would describe as the Scandinavians of African women: tall, lithe, and curvey, just the way I like them.
With that being said, there are some negative views about both Asian men and Black women which poorly represent these two groups of people. Some of these negative views are that Asian men aren’t manly enough and Black women aren’t feminine enough. Another is that Asian men are not as socially outgoing and Black women are too loud and outspoken.
This is simply not the case. There are many beautiful Black women who are intelligent with very feminine features and dominant and Asian men with social savvy and leadership skills. An example I had previously mentioned is John Cho and Gabrielle Union from “Flash Forward”. This is an interracial couple consisting of two attractive people that are Asian and Black.
Some can point out that this type of relationship is uncommon and they would be right, but that's not a reason for Asian men to NOT start dating more Black women.
Approaching Women with Confidence Is Universal.
Here are some ways to increase the chances of success with Black women. Many women of other races rarely have Asian men approach them and so it usually comes as a surprise when a confident Asian male expresses his interest in them. We essentially come in under the radar and are, in MY experience and my STUDENT'S experience with black women, 10 times more effective for it.
For this reason, a direct opener is the most effective way to begin conversation. This does require exuding physical confidence and being playfully at ease.
A direct opener could be, “I saw you walking by and I want you to know that you are amazingly sexy.” You are not trying to protect your ego by hiding behind humor or "street hollering" at her. You're expressing yourself and leaving yourself vulnerable because you are being sincere, genuine, and honest.
Any direct opener you use should be fine for as long as you make it clear that you are sexually interested in her. Avoid openers like, “I just had to tell you that you have some cute shoes” since you’re giving a compliment and not showing direct interest.
It defeats the purpose of coming across as a sexually confident male by mentioning irrelevant details.
Once you’re in, make it a habit to add some dominance to your attitude. Don't simply nod and agree to everything she says, and thus being the "Nice Guy" doormat. This means that you should make it a note to speak your mind without hesitation and take action when deemed necessary. A confident man intentionally says what he wants and does what he feels is necessary.
Often times, Asian men are used to holding back their opinions and can take less action because they feel that their daily lives require it. This can be seen in the office, with family, and other social situations that Asian men have been culturally taught to stay quiet. Black women are strong and they want a man who can hold his own.
Be that man.
Identifying the aspects of interracial dating between Asian men and Black women are important but it is not meant to be the focal point. You want to show the best parts of yourself to negate the negative views of Asian men and accentuate the positive views.
Regardless of the built in stereotypes, there are a lot that these two classes of people have to offer in the dating world and as Asian men you should expand your dating reality. There are a lot of beautiful Black women out there for you to meet and as many Asian men at the ABCs of Attraction can attest to: Black women love Asian men and vice versa.
In point of fact, the first woman one of my New York students ever became engaged to was a beautiful black woman he ran into at a coffee shop. Even with his heart pounding, palms sweating, with EVERYONE staring at this 5"2 baby-faced Korean, he walked up to her, smiled, said hello, and a year and a half later, he was engaged to her.
And that's what I teach. If you want the woman of your dreams, become the man of her's!
- Dating Advice for Sexy Asian Men by a White Girl
- Why Some Asian Guys Score and Others Fail
- A California College White Girl's Perspective on Trying to Date Asian Men
- Freakonomics: The Cost of Interracial Dating for Asian Men
- The Asian Poker Face: "Asians All Look the Same"