In my ongoing series of articles encouraging Asian Men and Black Women relations, I've asked N'jaila Rhee, writer of the Blasian Bytch Blog, to add her two cents on the topic and how best an Asian man could approach, attract, and seduce beautiful black women.
"There are three basic things I think all the Asian men who appealed to me and eventually got the booty mastered and I’ll try to explain them to you. First, they were never douche bags about race. Second they made an effort to try to understand some of our cultural differences. Lastly, they were comfortable being who they were and respectful of their own people and culture.""I’ve been asked to write a opinion or advice piece for Asian men on many occasions this is the first time I’ve taken a serious approach to the subject.
I know for many I might be a strange woman, I’m a Black identified woman who through fate and circumstance I’ve found myself involved with almost exclusively Asian men. I don’t think this makes me any kind of expert on Asian Male Black Women relations but J.T asked me to write and so I shall.
I think the first thing that should be obvious is that like “Asians” there a wide range of cultures that fall under the umbrella of “Black” and those culture effect people but at the end of the day we are all individuals. There is no monolithic hive of thought governing the thoughts, desires and personalities of all Black women. So take everything I write with that in mind.
There are three basic things I think all the Asian men who appealed to me and eventually got the booty mastered and I’ll try to explain them to you. First, they were never douche bags about race. Second they made an effort to try to understand some of our cultural differences. Lastly, they were comfortable being who they were and respectful of their own people and culture.
It’s easy for people to assume that just because two people in a relationship are not the same race that somehow they’ve discovered the cure for racism, I know first hand that’s not the case. Plenty of men that chose to date interracially can be total cunts when it comes to issues of race, some without even realizing it.
It can be little things like turning to the hip-hop station that you would never listen to as soon as I get into the car. A pretty solid rule of life is if phrases like “boo”, “girlfriend” or, “oh no he didn’t” aren’t in your everyday vocabulary don’t try to adopt them to be “down”. If these terms are in your everyday vocabulary punch yourself in the face, please. This type of racial pandering has for me been a red flag when it comes to dating.
You’ll be hard pressed to find a group of people so forced into racial awareness as a Black woman living in America. Our society is simply racially obsessed and usually to our detriment. The last thing a black woman is interested in is a date that regurgitates what mainstream has decided is “Black”. On that note any actions that can confirm to her that you’ve formulated your entire concept of Blackness and Black people from BET is most likely going to be a deal breaker.
I know for myself there are certain red flags / deal breakers that can be pretty much easily avoided. Some men chose to take the racial pandering to a whole new level and reach the racial appropriation stratosphere. These are the men that think just because they memorized a few Tupac albums, have a criminal record or get their hair braided that they are official Black cardholders. Unless you are actually Black, you can “feel Black” all you want it really doesn’t mean I’m obligated to have any sort of connection to you. In fact chances are I want to get as far away from you as possible.
Liking Hip Hop, Reggae or whatever Black music of your choice doesn’t make you in tune with my blackness. It doesn’t mean that I won’t completely lose respect for you once you start throwing around the “n” word like a hot potato. Even if your idiot friends have given you the pass to use it, saying it around a potential date isn’t going to translate to any magic happening.
One sure fire way of opening up potential chemistry is honest to God interests in another person that spawns a natural curiosity about my culture and myself. As I said before ones culture effects everyone differently. My mother is Jamaican and I honestly feel like I was raised to have different mannerisms that a lot of American woman. My mom was very proud of my proficiency for doing housework. Does she want me to be independent sure but I better know how to cook my husband dinner as well. There is a complicated duality of black femininity just as there is a complex structure of Asian masculinity.
Every culture has their own idea of femininity and in turn women in those culture are going to express femininity in their own way. Using my own West Indian culture as an example I can say that I’ve never seen my mother cry. Not when her father died, or family members were murdered. Those emotions were saved for my father’s eyes and pretty much his eyes only..."
- N'jaila Rhee (The Blasian Bytch)
TO BE CONTINUED...
Labels: Black Women, Blasian Bytch, Guest Writers, N'jaila Rhee