The 3 C's: Confidence, Cocky, & Creepy

Dear Asian Playboy,

Whats the difference between confidence and cockiness, whats the difference between being forward and sincere versus creepy ??

Hey X-Man, thanks for writing in!

Interesting question and, while there are some pretty obvious dictionary differences, often times people get confused when actually employing these principles. I'll see if I can straighten things out for you:

For our purposes, confidence is the inherent self-assurance from the knowledge of our abilities or qualities. This is to say that we have particular skills and we know what a particular outcome will be when we attempt something, by weighing the process against our abilities. A gymnast can approach a balance beam with confidence because she knows that her abilities will keep her safe and that she is in control of the possibilities of her actions.

She is aware of the various outcome possibilities, so she can be confident. We know that women want men with confidence, so we try to display our confidence to them, but often fail by being too cocky.

Cockiness is like the icing on a confidence cake. 

Often times it is grossly unnecessary and turns people off. Confidence assures you that you can do something, and cockiness makes you want to tell people about how you can do it. Unfortunately, this is a very needy quality and turns women off. This is a tricky web to weave. After all, who doesn't want people to know that we're confident?

Since we know that women want men that are confident, but not men that are cocky, we are left with only the choice of demonstrating that we are confident guys by acting like confident guys. How do confident men show they are successful with women, are interesting people, and are great people to be around? By being dominant, sexual and pursuing what we want.

This is why we, at the ABCs of Attraction, teach empowerment, rather than tactics and techniques, as being a confident man will get you farther than being unconfident and having a bunch of routines.

As far as creepiness goes: I always say that creepiness is wanting something more than someone else wants you to have it, and still asking for it.

If you want to kiss a girl; kiss her. Don't ask her if you can. Women dream of being taken into closets and made love to, or meeting a stranger that fulfills her every desire. They don't dream of men that ask them if they can have sex with them, or of men that are satisfied looking at them from afar. Women consider those types of guys creepy.

Sincerity is tough, but is very powerful when executed in the proper way. I always encourage my students to be sincere in the way that works best for them. The difficult part of being sincere is that you are prone to take rejection more personally. Once you make a conscious decision to be independent of the outcome, you will open yourself up to a whole world of success.

I hope this helps,

Good Luck!


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