Now, there’s something called “nonverbal social pressure” that all people have to conform to due to our shared cultural training and social contract. For example, when you put out your hand to a stranger, everybody in the WORLD knows you’re supposed to reciprocate and return the handshake.I get this question a lot: "I have Approach Anxiety, can you help me?"
Approach Anxiety is one of the most common obstacles that prevents a burgeoning social savant from transforming himself into a high value, confident male. Approach Anxiety is also one of the most easily cured, but only if you're willing to actually DO something about it and not just sit on your ass.
The problem is when people want a "magic pill." First and foremost, change and results require action. The more you read and do nothing when you're out in the field, the further you get mired into the morass of your thoughts. Here's what one dear reader sent in:
i have a question regarding opens, i'm very good at interception opening, like join into a conversation. but if you ask me to direct open and go right into a set and start a conversation i find that very hard. any pointers on that JT? how to open and not shy away?Hey, thanks for the question, Mouse!
Being shy is really just a state of mind, and if you're intercepting well and using situational openers well, there's really no difference between that and direct opening other than what you're actually saying and your BLP (Body Language Positioning).
Remember that the most dangerous part of opening is over-thinking it and psyching yourself out. We use a very simple Kino turn that involves gently putting your hand on a girl or girls' shoulder and GENTLY pulling them to face you while you introduce yourself or compliment them.
If you haven't taken a bootcamp already, I DEFINITELY suggest you do so. We go through all the problems you seem to be having and ELIMINATE them completely. Most of our students have little to no AA or sticking points during openers at all at the end of the bootcamp.
My advice to you is to get out there and do it! Just walk up to a girl and tell her she's "fucking gorgeous and i just had to come find out what your name is" and go from there. Find out what works and what doesn't and you'll be well on your way.
And to start up your night, I suggest you read one of the interview questions that I answered over at TSB Magazine on how to destroy Approach Anxiety.
It's a really simple, easy opener called the Kickstart Opener that's designed to be LOW-INVESTMENT and- most importantly- to warm you up!
Here's how it goes...
Question 2: Do you have any good exercise or techniques for destroying “approach anxiety?”First, it’s about having the right Attitude. I know it’s tough and you can’t just ask someone to simply “Inner Game That Shit” in order to make it go away. Rather, try to understand that women (according to leading anthropology and gender differences experts), due to evolution, are naturally better at picking up cues via your tonality, body language, and facial expressions.
So when a newbie goes in and gets blown out, it’s not because there’s anything inherently wrong or flawed with him and his personality. It’s his technical skillset in presenting Outer Confidence via subcommunication that needs fixing. That’s all technical issues that are easily fixable if you can find someone to help calibrate yourself. It takes a long time for someone to get to know another person and so when you’re blown out in 30 seconds or 5 minutes, she’s not rejecting YOU. She’s just rejecting your SKILLSET.
Secondly, here’s an easy infield exercise for the complete newbie. It’s not complicated and doesn’t use any fancy openers, it’s just a low investment opener that’s designed to lessen your Approach Anxiety and maybe even get you a little social proof. I call it the Kickstart and it’s a good way to, literally, kickstart your night.
Now, there’s something called “nonverbal social pressure” that all people have to conform to due to our shared cultural training and social contract. For example, when you put out your hand to a stranger, everybody in the WORLD knows you’re supposed to reciprocate and return the handshake. What’s another one?
That’s right, grab yourself a glass of water or your favorite brew and just kickstart your night by CHEERSING ten groups of people at the bar. Make eye contact, smile, raise your glass, and simply say “Cheers!”
Trust me, unless they’re a total social retard, they’ll unconsciously return the gesture and smile as well. Then simply introduce yourself, throw in an open thread, mention a wingman’s special event, leave an open invitation and eject. You can always reapproach (or “Boomerang”), later.
It’s that simple. The “Kickstart” is meant for the complete newbie or those guys who simply want to start the night off by being social. And sometimes what happens is that not only do you get in state, but women will see you being social, potentially have lots of friends, that she’ll be intrigued by this confident “life of the party” kind of guy and reintroduce herself to you.
Labels: Approach Anxiety, Dear Asian Playboy, Openers, Pick Up Artist Tips