Dear Asian Playboy: "How do I get a date in high school?"
[UPDATE: This blog is no longer being updated. For the very best and very latest in my continuing (mis)adventures, techniques, results, and pictures, please go to my ABCs of Attraction Blog! Thanks and I'll see you on the other side! - JT]
hi. my name is "anonymous bob". and im about 16. i have studied and read about everything on the computer possible from adam lyons to the mysterymethod. and i am just having trouble actually like going out and doing the stuff. i think its my social anxiety and just fear of the approach. i need the commitment. any tips?
- Anonymous Bob
Hey Anonymous Bob...
Way cool that you've been reading all that you can as that's super important and it's going to put you way ahead of the game , but remember that the knowledge is only 20%. Wayne Gretzky famously said that "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" and that applies perfectly here. I would be willing to bet that you that you are actually psyching yourself out on most occasions and that, since you're not obeying the three second rule, you're not getting any results at all.
Being your age in high school is really difficult and, to be completely honest, the social circle there is really fucked up. Everyone is trying so hard to do what's cool and be popular and be friends with the right people and they're missing the point. High school is the toughest environment you will ever have to be in and I give you props for showing up every day.
If I could go back in time, back to high school, I would follow a specific protocol.
First, I would work on my own self-esteem. Everyone in high school doubts who they are and how 'cool' they are and how many friends they have, but almost the second you step out into the real world, you realize that you are the most important person in your life and that all you can do is be good to people and try to better yourself at all times and that just by doing those things and not getting so caught up in what other people think of you.
Once you come to those realizations (and I recommend a book called "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman that I read when I was about your age), you will be able to be friends with anyone and get to pick and choose the type of people you keep in your life.
Now for the depressing part; A lot of techniques from The Game apply to women that have reached their sexual peak and are more secure individuals (though, in some cases, they're not), so a lot of the Single Night Lay stuff is a bit ambitious and doesn't really apply. What I would recommend is working on making a great group of friends and pulling the people that are worthwhile into it.
You can go out and play lasertag or go to arcades and have a big group of people all there because of you and it will make you look like a KING! Being your age is about learning and making friends and having fun, so don't worry too much about sex and relationships right now. However, your social anxiety does affect your ability to function at school, so here's what I'll say about that:
Remember that approach anxiety is broken into two parts, the anxiety that you have from fear of failure (especially in such a small situation like a highschool) where if you say the wrong thing to the wrong girl, it'll get around to all her friends, and the fear of the uncertain, whether or not you will succeed or fail in your interaction.
The other type of anxiety is the anxiety that will always be there, the kind that is just about doing new things and meeting new people, this type of anxiety will never go away and we just have to learn to deal with it; to accept it as a part of us and not let it let us affect us. Believe me, that's easier said than done.
What we can do to rid ourselves of the approach anxiety (AA, as you know it) is to be confident that we are becoming truly worthwhile people (like I mentioned before). The better we feel about ourselves, the more people will like us and the less we will worry about what they think about us. Also, you just have to DO IT! Go out there and talk to people, be social and start conversations with people on the bus or in the store or at the mall.
The more you sit on your computer and read, the more afraid you're going to be to actually interact with people because you will start overthinking it. All you gotta do is start doing it. Tomorrow, I want you to talk to 5 people you've never talked to before, whether it be new kids at school or people in the store or at the skatepark or whatever. Trust me, they may be weird, but no one is going to stab you or shoot you. Just be friendly and interested and things will go well, I promise.
So, to recap, start making friends. Don't worry about who thinks they are too cool to talk to you, just be nice, interested, hold your own, and remember that by making these steps to be a cool, friendly, intelligent person, you're already at the top of your class.