Hook Up Report and Bootcamp Testimonial by Barney

"Getting a shot at hbbartender9 was not possible just a few days ago.

I'm a believer now that with time I'll get there, if I can continue to put in the work."

This was definitely a bootcamp of many firsts. It had many ups and downs, but it definitely ended on a really high note. Props to my Asian brother!

Anyways, a month or so ago, I had an exclusive bootcamp with an Asian brother, Barney, out in Chicago. Damn bloody cold it was too. Le Plassage was definitely my favorite place there.

So here are some highlights:

So without further ado, I give you Barney's field report and bootcamp testimonial:

It's over.

As I write this, I haven't seen APB for 10 hours and my life feels strangely empty. By strangely I mean, wow I miss the guy? Really? And by empty I mean...imagine a father-figure here one day gone the next. I figure I'll write this out while it's still fresh, and yet I am still in my shellshocked state.

Day1 Thursday - I pick up APB in the afternoon at the airport. He looks exhausted, highlights in his bed-sheveled-hair matching stripes on his leather biker jacket.

I open with, “wow you're not as ugly as I'd hoped.”

“Is that bad?” he says confused.

“well I kinda wish you were uglier.” I regretted saying that just then.

We both crash to rest up, then start up early evening. We go over the stages of his method, him a stream of passionate consciousness flowing from his experiences, me a court stenographer. We also work on opener delivery: voice, body language, tonality, energy, kino. We gather, triage, and refine stories for beyond the openers.

This time was workmanlike, as 2 lawyers working on a case. We do some preliminary work on body language through role-playing. To this point I don’t pass judgement on how good the training is; I reserve that for after our night outings. After about 3 hours of classroom work, we suit up.

I resolve to be a robot; any order given I would execute no questions asked, for the sake of the training. I'm going to do exactly what he says when he says. We enter the first club venue, get a drink, grab two stools at the bar. "3 set behind us, go." I go in a tad nervously, 2 identical twin hb8s and an hb6 friend. They're actually receptive, we get into a friendly discussion that tangents to random amusing subjects.

APB is coaching from his bar stool, "Sit down at their table." "Kino her." "You're fidgety." APB jumps in sparingly to stoke the convo, but eventually I run out of steam and material. They leave, albeit with a friendly goodbye.

We cruise to the next room, and right into an hbblonde9 set, her and 2 other hb6's. He immediately opens the 9 with a cold-read that is spot on (Are you a fashion designer?) and not wanting to hover, make small talk with the hb6's.

I use the same opener I came up with and it is met warmly. Decent convo ensues all around, but it's clear that these gals are celebrating and do not wish to be separated from their libations and each other. I do make a mini-run at the 9, which is met with casual interest and of course I eject, just happy to have opened her directly. The energy of the place is low due to turnout and foul weather, cold and rainy.

We bounce to an intimate bar venue, where I open two 2-sets of girls, and til now my confidence is going swimmingly. I know I can open and connect and vibe. (Attraction however is clearly becoming a glaring weakness in my game.)

We bounce to a college bar venue, where things start to go downhill. I obey and open a 5 set, again met with casual interest, run out of steam, and immediately open a 2 set behind me with an opinion opener. From which I get a frosty retort, "Good question, ask those girls over there." and they return to themselves.

After giving the place a few 10 minutes and not seeing any improvement in the scene, we bounce to our final venue, a nightclub open til 4, our final destination. I open a 3 set, 2 girls 1 guy, and get blown out. Big time. Cockblock style. Not a sentence in to my opening, cockblock leans over, "She isn't interested in talking to you. Go away."

I'm shellshocked. I walk around in a daze.

APB orders me in to set after set after set; I just shake my head. We hang around another 2 hours, I can't bring myself to do it. 2 ug girls ahead, APB says go in, just say Hi my name is ___. And I just…can't bring myself to do it. We actually get into a bit of a row.

He says, “what can I do? What do you want me to do. Point me to a set, send me out, what do you want to see, what do you need to see? Any girl in the joint. Who do you want me to close?”

And I say out of frustration, “maybe I just can't do what you do, maybe seeing you do it won't help, I need to believe I can do it.”

We go home in silence. Perhaps I'm not ready for this severe of a rejection, nor another 6 months to a year of this. I crash, and I'm very very discouraged. I dream about APB ordering me out, in that same shitty club I got blown out, and I feel that emptiness in my stomach; I realize my inner game has hit rock bottom.

Day2 Friday – I can't do this. We go through about 3 hours of classwork and I take notes, but...deep inside I'm thinking I can't do this. I finally pipe up and say...”dude, I don't think we're going out tonite. I'm not cut out for this; it's not me. I can't walk this walk for months or years.”

APB counters with a scaled down workload: “Look, let's go out for an hour or two. Have fun. That's it.”

Well I figure I paid and it's only an hour and after that I'm going to bail, go home shower, watch some tv, enjoy being a chump at home alone on a Friday night. We suit up, and head to an upscale joint, one I planned for the last night as a treat with my game fully locked-in, but hey if this is our last night together which in my mind it is, might as well have hit it once.

Before I retire from the game that I never even started.

APB sends me in to sets, left and right. I just ignore him, saying I don’t want to.

Finally he just gives me this look: “here's where I bring the game to you,” arms behind his back Morpheus style, one last sidelong glance over his shoulder at me as he opens a 2 set of hb8's. He brings me over and introduces me.

He regales them with his stories; animated gestures and broad movements, picks each one up, twirls them. He messes with them, c&f style. I know exactly what he’s doing; now that he's opened them, he's pumping their buying temperatures.

Me, I'm in small talk mode. Whichever one he has at that moment, I go to the other. He takes one then the other to the dance floor. He's working hard, and I know he wants me to pick one. I pick the cuter of the two (hell what would you do) and she's juiced up and ready to go. What the hell, I throw in a compliance test to hold my hand to the dance floor, and she obeys.


We grind on the dance floor, that gets me warmed up and I'm finally confident enough to go into a few stories and connection stories. Incidentally she throws her own compliance test at me extending her hand, and I grab it on the way back from the dance floor.


The 2 set has to leave, but I number close. Despite APB signalling from behind them for me to k-close her. The fucker will just have to grab us by the scruff and bump our heads together if he wants that.

She implores me to call her. I wonder if she knows that it's not me responsible for her wanting this. I flee APB cause I know he's gonna send me in to other sets and AA and self-confidence are just debilitating; I can't open. I’m alright with a warm approach, but the previous night’s cold approach crash and burn is still in the pit of my stomach.

I sidle up to the bar and bump shoulders with an hb7. Who turns out to be a dancer and a model. I decide I'm going to stick with this one the whole night just to keep APB off my back. I drop the stories and go natural c&f. But damn this guy won't leave me alone, APB hovers 5 feet back against a column; I can feel him.

I look back, he mouths and gestures advice: “Kino.” “Extract.” “I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't.”

I yank her arm off on the way to the dance floor. We’re practically doing it doggy style, clothes on. She jumps on a riser and gets up on another female. They’re grinding each other; damn, APB has his opening and he approaches me:

APB: “Dude. K-close her.”
B: “No! Cmon I'm already up on her. I practically have!”
APB: “No. It's practice, you have to do it. Grab her off the platform, we're extracting and isolating.”

Sigh. I pull her down, we find a table. She wants a drink. APB assures her he will get it, pulls me aside and says, “k-close or I kick your ass.”

He's not joking. We have not joked our entire time together.

Girl asks what he said, I say “couldn't hear.”

She yanks me into her face, “Don't lie! What did he say?!”

Sigh, everyone's got it in for me tonite. I say, “he said I should kiss you or he's gonna kick my ass.” She leans in to me, well am I gonna say no? We make out, APB comes back, snaps some pics of it. Club closes, we see her to a cab with her friends.

She tells me, “I leave town on Monday. PLEASE call me tomorrow...PLEASE.”

This was a private exchange between us.

Later, APB: “Dude, you know you could have f-closed.”
ME: “I know.”

The truth of the matter is I'm not in it for the ONS's; I'm in it to find my hb8,9,10 love of my life. This night, I feel a little less like a 1st grader and more like...a high schooler. With my drill-sargeant instructor.

APB has a wry grin on the ride home: “Dude, I'm not your friend. You hired me to be your drill-sargeant.”

So much for going out for only an hour. We closed the joint...4AM. And I go to sleep thinking…I might be able to get through this.

Day3 Saturday - Last night together.

I'm hesitant to go out because I want to end on a high note. But I know I crave higher notes, and I need to keep sarge-ing. Our classwork is a lot more fun.

We brainstorm openers and stories and have a lot of fun messing around with them, coming up with crazy embellishments not for use but to crack each other up. I’m so relaxed, having mad fun just goofing off.

For the first time, I'm seeing a bigger picture as we act out roles, his being the hb I'm gaming. I'm not thinking in such micro terms as, tell this story, wait for input, tell this story, wait for input, etc. I'm thinking in terms of stages, the big picture.

I've rehearsed my stories enough so that I'm confident in them. Okay I'm opening, I need to attract. Go with story A. Vibe, vibe, Okay I need to connect. Launch into story D.

I would remain in this state the rest of the night.

We go to the club early to loosen up. I open 3 times because I'm feeling so good from the earlier classwork with some natural stuff, the only groups present since

it's early: a lone hb7 waiting for her friends to show, a 2 set of hb5s who I tab as my pawn set, and the bartender, a smoking 9. I tell the hb7 to join us at our table, COMPLIANCE.

She's actually quite well put together, job-looks-personality. We all 3 vibe for awhile, with a lot of subcommunication banter between me and APB that hb7 doesn't get.

APB is dishing it out, but he's also taking it, and we are having a lot of fun with our little meta-conversation pick-up, training, hot-babes, and sex masked by the actual convo about real-estate, los angeles, books, investing, friends, life, parents, and a whole lot of kino and shoving.

It's flowing beautifully.

APB is not coaching me anymore, he's letting me be. I can tell he's observing and making mental notes. I bounce in and out of the set, talking with the hbbartender9, my pawn set, and a recently arrived 2-set. hb7 comes to find me and hovers while I've isolated another girl in the 2-set. Jealous much?

She cockblocks, “let's dance.”

Hello, I'm in a convo? I introduce the two, get them vibing, and then bounce; the night is young, I want to see who else arrives and open as much as I can while in this great state. It actually turns out to be a poor night for hotties, lots of ugs and bday / bachelorette party groups replete with cockblocks.

I dodge the 2 girls a lot, talk to my pawn set, open lots of 1 sets here and there for practice, get cockblocked, get lukewarm responses, but that's alright.

My inner game was fierce tonight, I could take it.

hb7 finally finds me, says “I’m leaving”, “we should do dinner”, “give me your number, I’ll call you”, “I’m so glad you approached me”, “so glad I met you”, blah blah blah. Aggressive much?

We bounce not too soon after, but not before hbbartender9 gets my digits. (She's not allowed to give out her # on the job.)

Just because I could have f-closed 3 potential girls this weekend and didn’t doesn't mean I'm gay. Cause I'm not:)

The truth is I got into this game to get a good shot at cold approaching 8's and higher. I know my game is tight enough now to make good runs at cold approach 7s.

Getting a shot at hbbartender9 was not possible just a few days ago. I'm a believer now that with time I'll get there, if I can continue to put in the work.

- Barney (Chicago)

Signed, Asian Playboy

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