Here's an old magazine article I wrote for a Vancouver, Canadaian magazine called "Banana Living" back in March of 2007. The magazine, which folded over the summer but than got a last minute reprieve, was/is an Asian-American/Canadian centric lifestyle magazine and I was asked by one of their writers to contribute to their relationship/dating section.
Since they're no longer / sorta in business, I thought I'd go and share it with ya'll instead of letting it waste away in my email archives. Bold questions are from the written interviewer.
I've edited a few sections to reflect certain changes in my life, goals, etc. but the majority remains the same. While the first 1/3rd is my history, the rest has my insights about Pick Up and Dating Advice.
BANANA LIVING MAGAZINE
Interview (March 2007)
"But here are the questions that I wanted to ask you:"
" 1)Who is Asian Playboy?"
Asian Playboy is your typical American born Asian American. I'm 29 years old and I got into the "Game" in my earl mid-twenties. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20 so I was definitely a late bloomer.
I'm a former nerdy engineer turned entrepreneur and dating, pickup, and lifestyle coaching. I specialize in helping minority men learn how to approach, attract, and hopefully get the kind of woman they want.
" 2) Where were you born, and what's your ethnicity?"
I was born in the good ol' USA after my parents came here from Viet Nam. My stepfather didn't come over until much later because he had been in one of those Communist "Reducation" camps so it was mostly my mom taking care of us in between the family drama.
" 3) What is your greatest PU story involving an Asian girl?"
Hmm, to be honest, I don't have too many PU stories with Asian girls. I've hooked up with a few, but I mostly date interracially.
Well, I think my first hardcore racist PU story was with an Asian girl. In retrospect, it was pretty self-obvious as she had platinum dyed hair, attractive (and knew it), and obviously made an attempt to avoid looking at and even avoiding the general location of any of the Asian guys at the bar.
Basically she told me to fuck off and she doesn't talk to Asian guys. Sad, but true. It didn't turn me off Asian girls, but I definitely knew then to look for signs like that. And experience has shown it to be generally (though not 100%) true.
One EDUCATIONAL hookup story was with an Asian girl was actually unintentional in the beginning, but then I followed through with a solid gameplan and genuine personality. But when I detected the signs (one sentence was all it took), I went for it with no hesitation. She was a young, tall, slim and athletic sexy cocktail waitress. You know the one, those hands-off beauties who are specifically hired for their beauty.
She had on short skirts and not an no ounce of fat on her bare, tanned midriff. Never saw her before that night (I hooked up with one of her fellow cocktail waitresses either before or after her, I forget).
Be warned, there is some "Community" jargon but I'll explain as I go. Dressed in my fashionably edgey (non-peacocky) gear, I took out a bunch of Community guys (men looking to go out and encourage each other to approach women) and just hang out. As we sat at our table (not bottle service, mind you) I bought a round of drinks for everyone.
Our waitress comes up and I'm basically teasing her and generally being playful (called C&F or Cocky and Funny). Lots of laughter, but my mission that night wasn't to Game for myself, but to help my fellow brothers out (no I wasn't charging them to hang out with me).
So one by one, I take each individual guy (like 8 to 10 I think) down to the bar and dance area. I'd point out a set, maybe give him something to say to start a conversation (no, not a cheesy pickup line, just a conversation starter), sometimes I'd help wing him, but usually I'd give him some pointers on his bodylanguage (INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!), his energy, and how/why the girls responded to him the way they did.
Some guys are incredibly clueless about the subtle things which are really more important, in my opinion, than what one actually says.
Anyways, by the end of the night we had a table full of guys, but more importantly, a table full of girls. And then the moment comes, where one sentence makes all the difference...
Before I go further, let me add the caveat that Pick Up and Attraction is an ART form as each woman is unique and different. But it's also part SCIENCE. OK, time to geek out as only a former Asian nerd turned Pick Up Artist can...
What kind of ATTRACTION is being created in this sexy hired gun?
Anyways, back to the story...
- Fashion - I'm dressed very fashion forward in a way that no one else is. It's not outrageous, but it's well put together and noticeable. It shows I know what I'm doing. Maybe it also shows money, but since I'm not flashing anything expensive like a Rolex, it says "FUN" and "SEX" more than likely.
- Humor - I'm making her laugh, making her feel good, but I'm also not taking her too seriously. They say having a Sense Of Humor is an attractive quality and it most definitely is... but it isn't the key to seduction by far.
- Unique & Interesting - I'm not falling into the customer frame by talking about anything remotely related to her work. There isn't any specific event to identify, just the attitude and what I talked to her about. Everything except work, which just reminds her how uncomfortable she is in those high heel shoes, feel overexposed in a skimpy outfit, and making zilch at a dead-end job.
- Leader of Men - By leading my entourage of guys, I'm displaying high levels of confidence and alpha male behavior. Everyone's hooked on my word and doing what I tell them to say. That isn't a common attribute normal, average guys have. As on of my Pick Up teachers used to say, "If you lead the men, you lead the women."
- Pre-Selected by Women - Similar to the Attraction Switch of Leader of Men, by displaying and showing behavior that only men who have a lot of sex and have lots of women in their life, I'm building her attraction to me. Men are the reverse when they see a woman getting hit on by guys all the time, they get intimidated and scared. Women, on the other hand, become aroused and attracted when they see a man in a position to be able to choose his sexual or life partner. In other words, women just don't like to think they're more sexually liberated and experienced than you.
- Non-Needy - I'm going to get harsh here on all you "nice guys." You're aren't the "nice guy" you pretend to be and it isn't how the world, and especially women, see you. You're the male version of a SLUT. Think about it. You're being "nice" and giving away "niceness" in order to be liked. It's underhanded and manipulative. Just because you helped her with her homework, gave her money when she needed, or *GAG* listened for hours and hours to her emotional tirades of her on-again-off-again boyfriend, you expect her to fall in love with you? To be attracted? Just like female slots who give sex in order to be liked, you giving "niceness" in order to be liked. You have to be a non-needy, non-horny, cool guy. Men like a challenge. But so do women. And they don't find men they can use and step on all the time as a challenge or attractive. By showing that I'm not obsessing about her like everyone else, not buying her drinks, and not drooling all over her, I'm showing that she has to be given the chance to EARN my affection. Sure she's hot, but beautiful women are a dime a dozen. Cool women whom I'm also physically attracted to are far more enjoyable to be any kind of relationship, be it long or short-term.
I'm standing away from the guys and girls at the table. It's about 1am and I'm tired, exhausted, spent, but feeling good. She stands about 2 feet away from me. Right then and there that alerts me to her intentions. Remember, body language is VERY important.
Then she says it, that one sentence that let's me know I've hooked her, "So what are you doing later?"
I turn, smile, and say, "Hanging out with you."
Well, long story short, we hung out at an afterhours club, kissed, but I didn't try for a Same Night Lay (SNL). The Game is played within a 4 to 10 hour time span and I knew that while I had her attracted, there wasn't enough Comfort & Connection (What I call C in my ABCs of Attraction).
Lots of guys lose sight of the fact that the Game is played in COMFORT, when two people get to first know each other.
We didn't have enough of time to get to know each other (really just a couple of hours), so I didn't push it, wasn't needy, and made a date with her to give us time to really Connect. So by holding off and making plans with her later in the week, I was able to fully hook up with her with none of that underhanded, sleazy manipulation.
And that, was my unintentional pick up of a seriously hot Asian cocktail waitress.
" 4)What's your greatest PU story in Vancouver?"
Since I don't live in Vancouver, I don't really have one. I did do a program up there and taught some of our Asian brothers in Vancouver, but when I do a bootcamp, I try and avoid picking up for myself and try and concentrate on the student.
But occasionally I have hooked up on a program, like the time in LA when I hooked up with one sister and then the next day helped my student hook up with the older sister.
From 30 second makeouts, to a blowjob in 15 minutes, same night lays, etc. I have for cities I've lived in like LA/Dallas, etc. Any particular ones?
" 5) If you had to give one piece of advice to Asian AFC's what would it be?"
Two pieces of advice. One for average frustrated chumps and one specific for Asian men.
First, for your generic sexless chump, you don't have to be rich, tall, famous, wealthy, and good looking have success with beautiful women. Yes, it helps a hell of a lot and if you've got it, hell, flaunt it. But for those of us who are just average in terms of the physical, you make up the difference by increasing your natural physical attributes (fashion, smile, body posture, etc), but also through PERSONALITY and having charisma.
Or what we in the Community call Verbal Game or just Game. Having Game is the ultimate equalizer, it's what allows you to step toe to toe with the male model types. You're not always going to win, nothings guaranteeded in life except death and taxes, but you'll be a contender, a competitor, and always in the running in terms of mastering your dating life.
Secondly, for frustrated average Asian men, STOP obsessing about racial inequalities. Whether it's about the Interracial Dating Disparity, negative media, and all that, STOP IT. Yes, that shit does exist. I'm not going to deny (hell, as active in the field as I am, I get racial comments all the time from girls and guys like once a month at least) it. It's part of our reality and society.
But it's not going to change today or tomorrow. Maybe far down the road, but not anytime soon to do YOU any good. Asian Men could become sex gods and sex symbols overnight, but if you still don't have the ability to flirt or even have a normal conversation with an attractive woman, you're still going to be shit out of luck.
All that obsessing, jealousy, and hatred does is poison your own self-confidence and self-image. Instead of treating it like a small problem, it gets turned into a mountaineous monstrosity. It ain't that hard. To use a scientific analogy, it's like weight lifitng.
For mainstream guys, gravity is 9.81 m/s^2. For AMs, it's 9.9 m/s^2. And instead of dealing and handling the extra FIVE pounds of weight as being easy (if requiring a LITTLE extra work), it gets turned into a bleak, impossible reality. And that, my friend, is called being stuck in the "Matrix." S
ociety's defeated you without lifting a finger. If that's you, easy decide NOW to change your life, attitude, and negative habits or simply weed yourself out of the gene pool. Success is a choice. And so too is defeat, in any pursuit, is a choice YOU make every day.
" 6) What's your favorite canned opener when picking up Asian women?"
I actually don't use canned openers anymore at my stage in life and skill level. Nowadays, I'm very situational, but usually in a highly C&F way. The point of any opener is to start a conversation in order to get them hooked and invested in talking to you.
I mean, "Hello" is the oldest line in the book. It works, but the important part is HOW you follow up with it. The actual words don't matter so much once you get good at just TALKING and FLIRTING with women.
I do, however, give them to my students as training wheels, but the idea is to become the man you were always meant to be and not depend on them as crutches. There's my "Ken & Barbie Opener" and "I Love You" opener, both extensively field tested so I know they work when done RIGHT and they aren't online ANYWHERE so no one can read it, use it, and it gets overplayed or, worse, some girl recognizes it.
But just to give you an idea, when I was hardcore Indirect (one of many different styles of Game), I used the "Who lies more, girls or guys?" Which absolutely worked (more often than not) even if it is, in retrospect, silly. Now it's totally mined out and I don't suggest anyone use it.
Later, like a year into this pursuit and lifestyle, I experimented with Direct (another style of Game, more advanced and not for beginners in my opinion) Game. This is basically an all balls out, totally confident, no excuses, sexual, James Bond approach without trying to hide or shield your ego from rejection.
The opener I used back then was, "You look beautiful. I'd like to get to know you. Hi, my name is..."
You lay it on the line. The rejections were mostly kind, but the rare bad rejections (even more rare in Indirect style because that style shields your ego) was a lot more harsh to the point of brutal and cruel.
But you have to get immune to it. The results, though, ranged from near instant makeouts, to full on action, to just fizzling out after a date when there just isn't any chemistry. It's definitely something I recommend to everyone past the Intermediate level of flirting and pick up as it requires- nay demands- a higher level of confidence and sexuality.
Again, I provide more unique Direct openers for students that range from the playful to the James Bond movie moment when he walks up to THAT girl.
" 7)How has being a PUA changed your life?"
It's opened my eye to the fact that there is a "Matrix" that places levels of conformity and expectations on average guys. There's a code to society and it isn't to the benefit to those who are low on the totem.
This can also be applied to business as the average salary/cubicle drone is stuck in the corporate structure working to make someone ELSE money instead of himself.
Socially and sexually, I've definitely increased my options with girls that previously I thought I had NO chance with as they were out of my league. I've won some, I've lost some, but I've never stopped being a contender.
And in teaching Pick Up, it's allowed me just to help my fellow Asian brothers which makes me feel good about this. I got into this teaching quite accidentally and generally for free and then just to pay the bare minimum expenses. As demand and my credibility both have grown, I've had to increase my organization and stretch out to start locations teaching overseas in Europe, Australia, and Asia.
So it's definitely helped me grow and expand in many areas of my life, though there's a definite dark side to it.
" 8)How did you decide to become a PUA?"
Graduating from college, breaking up with my long term girlfriend, working in an engineering industry with few women, and TRYING to date in LA using all the mainstream avenues of meeting women...
Well, needless to say the dating scene in Los Angeles was brutal and I found myself totally unprepared as I had only experience with college women, who, invariably in society CHOOSE YOU.
After having no luck with speed dating, internet, social clubs, sports groups, and one particularly brutal blind date, I decided enough was enough. I had my physical health in line (working out, cycling, surfing, volleyball) and my career, but the romantic, sexual, relationship side was suffering.
I admitted that I had a problem in this area and CHOSE to do something about it instead of wallowing in self-pity. In January of 2004, I took my first Mystery Method bootcamp with the "Greatest Pick Up Artist in the World", Mystery, and never looked back.
" 9) What's do you think the differences between being an Asian PUA versus a caucasian PUA?"
There's quite a few differences, but mostly subtle. There are external ones to be sure, but the biggest is internal and IN YOUR MIND like I wrote above in question #4. I mean, if you're already a confident, experienced Asian man with loads of Game now, than that's more than enough to ignore/conquer the subtle differences.
But just to give you an idea, I've dated several beautiful, non-Asian women. Also throw in that I'm a small (5"6, 140lb) guy.
Frequently, I get verbally or even physically cockblocked (AMOGed in Community terms which stands for Alpha Male Other Group). They think either she's not with me or that, hell, if she's into THIS small, average looking guy, than she can do better with him.
I mean, I've been physically pushed around quite a few times and verbally cockblocked even more when I'm out at the bar or dance club with someone I'm seeing. It just comes with the territory.
Now that's an EXTREME example and certainly not applicable to every Asian dude, but I've seen and experienced it enough to know that it happens. Of course, it may not have anything to do with race and far more to do with size/height/muscle and that "average looking" guys should date in their league (ie tall, handsome, muscular).
A lot of the subtle things may not even happen to you and you never want into that bullshit. Bless you and pay no more attention to this article as it probably doesn't apply to you. An even more extreme example is if an AM wants to date interracially online. AM/AF internet dating is still a level playing field, but try and do that on the internet looking for a non-Asian Female, and you're going to find that- assuming you're an average AM- the playing field isn't in your favor.
Thus, I always strongly recommend any and all AMs to avoid internet dating and go for the REAL LIFE girls instead of the virtual fantasy.
There's more and I try and address race coping strategies when I teach (including how to physically dominate those dudes over 6" foot tall). But primarily, it exists in the MIND.
Lots of perceived problems start and end with how and what you think about and how you CHOOSE to handle them. Get rid of the negativity and you'll start seeing results in all areas of life.
" 10) What's the best thing about being a PUA?"
Helping out my Asian brothers, the traveling, the women, and the sheer fun of it all. Of course, it's pretty stressful.
" 11) How important are looks when it comes to the game?"
It is important, I'm not going to lie, but it all depends on HOW you let it affect you. It's a variable, but if you obsess over it, you just make it WORSE.
Now certain things you'll never be able to change like how good looking you are, how tall, or your race, but that isn't everything there is to increasing a man's Physical Attractiveness.
You can do without increase your Physicality, but it just makes your Verbal Game that much harder. I always suggest to guys to maximize ALL aspects of your life to attract more women.
Having good body language, fashion sense, hair, to spending $30 on Crest White Strips to bleach those coffee/smoked stained teeth. It all helps and it's all under your control. In other words, lose the Chilli Bowl haircut that your mom gave you as a kid to save money, stop shopping at the mall (nothing says generic clone more than Bananna Republic), and make yourself look BETTER THAN AVERAGE.
I mean, if you want the woman of your dreams, you should be the man of HER'S as well.
And that means improving all aspects, from how you verbally convey yourself to how you physically hold yourself and your whole lifestyle.
" 12)Which city has the best girls to sarge?"
I've had tons of fun everywhere. Los Angeles and New York had the most beautiful. Rio de Janeiro you can consistently fast makeout sessions (under 30 minutes). But I find myself drawn to Europe, specifically London but especially Copenhagen, Denmark.
Just a damn lot of fun with beautiful women everywhere.
For doing programs with students, I find teaching in Vegas is incredible and mindblowing. I've done several programs there and I've almost always had a student hook up during or shortly after it. No guarantees, but Vegas is just wild and fun for everyone involved.
In fact, not only do I have an Action Packed Photo Gallery of my students succeeding and having fun, but we also have a great deal of videos lined up that will be free (once editing is done).
I'll also be in Melbourne, Australia to do a bootcamp in mid-October, 2007. That's 4 continents I've done bootcamps this year alone (North America, South America, Europe, and soon Australia... Next year China, baby!).
" 13)Anything else you want to add?"
Listen, any guy can IMPROVE his ability to get women. It's not magic and it's not always luck.
AND you don't have to spend a SINGLE dime. There are tons of resouces out there to help you improve yourself and it's all for FREE from my free blog with over 500+ posts on making yourself a better man, to online forums that discuss pick up or those catering to Asian Men's issues, to real life social clubs of men intent on becoming better.
Yes, you COULD take a program with me or someone like me who's a dating and pickup expert, that cuts down on the time it takes to achieve competence in this pursuit. Afterall, you paid college tuition to get your degree and you pay for classes at your local community/annex college.
And not to brag overly much or come off as a sleazy sales man, but I think I do well by my clients juding by all the testimonials and post-program results they have from an Asian student getting his first kiss to a 20something virgin finally having sex for the first time with an attractive woman.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY A SINGLE DIME to get better with women.
It simply requires you to MAKE A CHOICE: "Do I choose to be a winner or a loser?"
And then, it's up to you to learn what you can about conveying the attractive side of your personality AND applying it in REAL LIFE from bars, clubs, campuses, and coffee shops around the world.
Real results require real effort.
"14) And lastly, if you can put together a 50 word bio on yourself and your company, I'll be happy to put it in. If my editor approves the final article, we'll send an email of the final copy.
I don't think all the answers to the questions will make it onto the printed format, but I'll send you a final copy of the article for you to review to make sure we have our facts straight before putting it in print.
Thanks for the interview. I'm sure I'll meet you one of these days. Take Care."
My business started off small and it's been growing very rapidly. I've done programs in half the US and up in Canada like Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. I'll also be doing overseas programs soon. I don't teach manipulation or being fake.
Just being the BEST that you can be, but equally important, CONVEYING that charm, charisma, personality, and sense of humor. You could be an awesome Asian gentlemen, but if you CAN'T convey verbally and non-verbally, you're just not going to fullfill your potential in dating and having CHOICE with women.
I teach a simple method called the ABCs Of Attraction that I personally worked out in REAL life with REAL results. While I specialize in Asian men, I've taught all groups including black, Indian, Latin, and Caucasian.
This isn't an easy program. If it was easy, everyone would be doing this, but I get results through hardwork and, most importantly, the client giving it HIS best. No half-hearted attempts.
In fact, if you're doubtful, I encourage you to look elsewhere. I'm can be a right bastard, but I teach students with real classroom example and I lead in the clubs and bars by doing real life examples of approaches.
-The Asian Playboy (Banana Living, March 2007)
Labels: Asian American, Asian Canadian, Canada, Interview, Magazine, Vancouver