[HUMOR] Stripper Kleptomaniacs and Vomit Just Don't Mix

Then she turns and runs into this backroom. I follow her and find myself in the dancer's locker room full of naked strippers who turn to look at me with their drug induced eyes full of stupor and man hate.
There are just some nights when you know you shouldn't have bothered getting out of bed. Last night (Saturday) was one such fiasco.

I was feeling good at having gotten some work done including hammering at more e-mails, scheduling, writing, and blogging. So I started off with a little pre-party and rolled out to meet up APB Team Member, Quipster. More pre-Gaming over there and we head over to a couple of joints in Addison.

We hit up Vue (aka Nine-Seven-Two) as well as Black Finn. Neither of which were all that good. Vue being a largish club/lounge that was pretty good the week before, but absolute shite when we got there. Then we roll to Black Finn, a large college-type bar, which is a more crowded version of Saddle Ranch.

And when I mean Saddle Ranch, I mean a frat boy sausage fest without hotties. We also ran into Strapper from the Dallas Lair as well as Simple later on.

Quipster and I agree to blow the lame popsicle stand, drink some beers at his place, and then head to Eden, a strip joint that turns into one of Dallas' few afterhour clubs on Saturday. I've pulled from there before, but in general I find afterhours Game simply an extended version of Cattle Call (ie random and full of drugs).

I get approached by this hot little brunette number in a doo-rag who looks like a stripper. She proceeds to take my kick-ass black & red hat. OK, normal reaction from girls who want to play, right? Then she turns and runs into this backroom. I follow her and find myself in the dancer's locker room full of naked strippers who turn to look at me with their drug induced eyes full of stupor and man hate.

Great, I'm about to get kicked out by a large bouncer and I can't find the damn girl. Now I'm getting pissed.

Quipster's working some blonde chick on Ecstasy and pulls her back to the VIP room. I go to the bar and get a Red Bull.

And that's when things proceed to go down hill even more. I think the sequence of the night's drinks went something like this:
  1. Beers
  2. Rum
  3. Tequila
  4. Whiskey
  5. Jager
  6. Beer
  7. Water
  8. Beer
  9. Red bull
  10. Water
Yeah, I'm a dumbass and I simply wasn't paying attention.

You know that moment RIGHT before you puke? Yeah, I was sitting there and I could feel it coming on. You KNOW that if you stand up you're going to hurl. But you've got to get to the restroom.

I stand and slowly, with great aplomb, make my way to the bathroom. And then it happens. The vomit slowly comes up and I have to hold it back. But it's still coming up in my mouth. A social circle friend grabs me for a conversation, but I wave him off as I can feel even more of it starting to rise.

I make it back to the restroom and ALL the damn stalls are full. I'm about to settle over the sink, but the damn bathroom attendant freaks out, grabs me, and kicks some dude doing coke out of the stall. I proceed to retch for the next ten minutes.

An absolutely lovely night. My favorite hat's stolen by some stripper bitch and I go for a few rounds of vomit action. Quipster gets a lap dance and more from his chick (who has a fiancee by the way) and goes for the extraction, but she's rolling so hard she's staying up until 9AM dancing the morning away.

Yeah, sometimes it just doesn't pay to get my lazy ass out of bed.


Signed, Asian Playboy

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