In other words, one group has been called a chink since early childhood and one has never even heard the phrase in his entire life.
I heard someone on the Yellowworld Forums saying my name in vain so I had to step in and throw in my two cents on the nuances and differences between teaching Asian Americans who were either born here (2nd generation) or were brought over before puberty (1.5ers) versus Asians who were born overseas and came over to America after puberty (ie FOBs = Fresh Off the Boat). I thought I'd share my responses with you since there's some golden nuggets in there.
Originally Posted by Sunflare
The ABCs of attracion bootcamps:
Its a benefit to some of those who are Asian immigrants or 1.5 gen Asians who may be stunted in a societal way.
Not as much benefit to 2nd gen APAs who are already fully assimilated into American culture and have no problems with their social and romantic lives
Actually the reverse is true.
Curiously enough, FOBs from both my experience teaching and empirical research done on Asian American sexuality, generally do BETTER in the dating scene so long as they:
- Speak good English
- Reached puberty overseas and not in America
2nd gen AMs or those 1.5ers who came to America before puberty, while socially aware are more emotionally immature compared to FOBs who are socially ignorant but emotionally mature. FOBs, having been born overseas have never had to deal with the perceived racism, media stereotypes, and social isolation that a 2nd gen AA has to on a daily basis.
In other words, one group has been called a chink since early childhood and one has never even heard the phrase in his entire life.
2nd gen AAs just don't do as well as FOBs because of massive limiting beliefs and social isolation caused by being more exposed to American society but at the same time the perceived lack of social status.
Think of it this way. If I have a FOB who's only problems is bad hair, bad skin, bad teeth, and a bad accent, but who is willing to take risk and has balls (I mean, the man moved to a foreign country and is a total stranger in a strange land), then that's easy to fix. A new hair cut, a skin care regime, dental work, and voice coaching. Voila!
Those are all SUPERFICIAL changes that are easily enough to make.
(The biggest FOB problem is probably calibrating one's sense of humor because humor tends to be somewhat culturally dependent and what's funny in one language loses it's translation into another.)
(The biggest FOB problem is probably calibrating one's sense of humor because humor tends to be somewhat culturally dependent and what's funny in one language loses it's translation into another.)
Now, on the other hand, give me a good looking, built, well-dressed, 2nd gen AM but is self-loathing with terrible self confidence, internalized self-racism, et al. Well, that takes a lot of de-programming in order to deconstruct those confidence barriers.
And if you don't necessarily trust my word on it that 2nd gen AMs have problems, then consider the fact that 2nd generation Asian Americans have higher rates of depression than 1st generationers.
Generally speaking, 2nd gen AAs seem to have a superiority complex to their FOB brothers (I guess it's better to feel superior to another group even if they are your own kind). Hell, I used to have that attitude to, but after having done this for years and taught countless AMs, I've learned better.
If I have a short goofy FOB with heart on side and a tall handsome AAM with no heart on the other, well, give me guy with the heart of the FOBby lion any day.
"Oh, I did meet one of the dudes you trained in one of your seminars in NYC. That's how I found out about the great work you are doing. I really commend you for your efforts at helping persons with such difficulties with social/romantic interaction because out of this person I know who went through the Atrraction of ABC's bootcamp did benifit him in being more effective in scoring on honeys. I was really impressed."
-Sunfire
Interesting points, much of it I agree with. I'm sort of suprized though you would have a harder time training with 2nd gen Asian Americans as opposed to FOBs in your seminars but seeing your point of view on this from your personal experience it does make alot of sense.
I still have a question as regards too how you teach clients in your bootcamps to create romantic interest with non white women as opposed to white ladies. I was wondering that if you may elaborate on this a bit further . . . .
Oh, I did meet one of the dudes you trained in one of your seminars in NYC. That's how I found out about the great work you are doing. I really commend you for your efforts at helping persons with such difficulties with social/romantic interaction because out of this person I know who went through the Atrraction of ABC's bootcamp did benifit him in being more effective in scoring on honeys. I was really impressed.
-Sunfire
Ah, thank you. Does he have an online nickname that I would recognize him by?
Anyways, in answer to your question, it's difficult in different ways. Superficial differences still take time to hammer out as well as explaining the nuances and differences between Asian and American culture. Like why good fashion, hair, etc. is more important here than over there. Than actually taking them out fashion shopping, hair stylist, etc. That's a lot of physical work.
The internal deconstructing is a lot more of an emotional intensive difficulty and work level. Basically I have to force them to face their fears, confront them, and have them do something about it.
That's emotionally exhausting, but not necessarily physically tiring.
Anyways, one of my instructors Johnny Wolf just wrote a piece about how our students are different from other students.
To answer your other question about interracial, basically- without getting into deep technical details- it's about being a dominant (not overbearing) masculine and sexual presence. Like recently, we had a 30 Day Direct Challenge (our next one is the Valentine's Day Challenge).
Which was simply every day, you have to sincerely compliment a girl that you think she's cute, sexy, beautiful, etc.
A lot of guys, especially Asian, have trouble with being that forthright and honest. The thought of telling a girl you think she's beautiful and you'd like to have coffee with her sends many a non-ABCs Alumni running for them thar hills!
Hopefully, around this nation this past month and the upcoming months, there are now more non-Asian women thinking, "Wow, that Asian guy was really bold and confident!"
So you have to expose yourself to that pressure until it doesn't make you anxious. And, hopefully, around this nation this past month and the upcoming months, there are now more non-Asian women thinking, "Wow, that Asian guy was really bold and confident!"
But anyways, hopefully that addressed your questions.
The dude I was talking about, he was the sound engineer working with William on betterasianman.com. I know him by his real name but forgot his nickname he identifies himself by on that site. Now he's moving on to a better life as a progressive Asian man continuing his education in the media arts. . . . . and leading a very productive dating life, along withs it's ups an downs with rejections and phone numbers flaking out etc. , but that's to be expected no matter how good at the dating game a man happens to be in.
-Sunfire
Anyways, yeah, I remember- let's call him- Mr. Sound. We actually hung out two Wednesdays ago at the NYC Reunion in Jan.
Mr. Sound's actually a good example of two points:
1) The Mental Barriers of AAMs - Mr. Sound actually had a transformative emotional breakdown and breakthrough on the 2nd night. Basically he, and others like him like Albert who was part of Fallout Central, took a good hard look at the bitchassness present in their life, actions, and thoughts.
And then we bitchslapped it out of them.
HARD.
But hey, he (and Albert and others) are happy now.
2) Looks & Height - The other point being, and no offense meant to Mr. Sound :-), is that good looks, while they're important, aren't the only deciding or prevalent factor. Because, let's face it, with Mr. Sound's Jedi Padawan haircut and eyeglasses, he ain't the prettiest face I've ever had the pleasure of teaching :-)Labels: Angry Asian Man, Asian, Asian American, Asian Male Sexuality, FOB, Heart of the FOBBY Lion, Racism