JT the Asian Playboy here and I'm here to tell you, with neither shame nor rancor, that for the first quarter century of my life I was a total Square (an average frustrated chump or "nice guy", if you will) who let women step all over me and use me.
It was a long road divesting myself of negative habits built from a life-time of beta behavior and socially imposed rules, but I've finally gotten to the point where I feel totally comfortable in knowing that I will NEVER have a problem finding, meeting, and dating all kinds of attractive women.... for the rest of my life. This change in mind-set and world-view began when I discovered that not only COULD I take control of my dating and sexual lifestyle but also HOW and WHY certain behaviors worked and didn't work.
Since that time, there were MANY lessons that I learned during my journey through beginner's hell. Some easily learned, but most hard-earned with sweat and no small amount of tears (and sometimes a lighter wallet).
Today, I'd like to share with you guys just one of those tough lessons:
Question: Why does an attractive woman have so many orbiters hanging around them all the time.... even while she's dating you / is your girlfriend / is your fiance / is your wife?
Answer: Because it's the only way to gain all the benefits from a guy without having to give him anything back, while simultaneously avoiding the necessity of sleeping around (or giving off the appearance of sleeping around).
This was a tough lesson for me to learn, and it took me a really long time to figure this one out. During my days as a square, as well as a small portion of my beginner's hell days, if I was dating a really attractive girl, I would experience total and complete befuddlement, emotional anguish, and frustration when I learned that the girl had orbiters.... lots of orbiters.
In my mid-20s, I dated countless women in this category who all shared these characteristics:
- Physically attractive
- Lots of orbiters (anywhere from 15 - 40 known orbiters, at the time that I was dating the girl)
- Would regularly mention things that the orbiters were doing for her, including all manner of errands, driving her to various places, buying her various gifts (ranging from everyday cosmetic/hygenic items, to medium-expensive items, to very-expensive items, to highly personal mementos that were personally constructed or designed).
I just didn't understand it. I would think, "if you're dating me, and if you say that you want to be with me, then why are you accepting gifts and favors from other dudes?"
On top of not understanding, I was jealous, insecure, and just in a downward spiral of self-induced negativity as a result of it.
Thankfully, though, now that I understand the reason for this behavior, it no longer bothers me.
Think about it-- if you're an attractive girl, and you've committed yourself to dating one guy, you really have no choice as far as public appearances go. Unless you want to look like a slut, you have to keep all public appearances set up to look as though you're 100% committed to your man.
However, if you're an attractive girl, you've got lots of guys approaching you, talking to you, asking you for directions, claiming that they want to "make new friends" with you, asking you for the time, asking you to check out their new marble collection... whatever... and all under the guise of "just being friendly."
If you're with a guy already, you can't really "date" these other guys... so, what's the next best thing?
To simply give them "just enough" attention so that they'll be interested in hanging out with you in the hopes that they'll someday get with you. Along the way, if they happen to buy you stuff, do favors for you, drive you to do your various errands, and so on and so forth, that's just an added bonus for you.
- You don't have to put out.
- You don't have to go on dates.
- You don't have to kiss them.
- You don't have to do much of anything, except look pretty, act friendly and flirtatious once in a while, and then go home and make love to your boyfriend.
- You get all the benefits of the friendship from all of those guys, with NONE of the downside of having to put out.
For an attractive girl, this is easy to pull off because there is an infinite supply of guys with no A-game who think that by pandering to a girls needs and staying in the friend zone (sometimes for multiple years!!), that they can eventually get in the girls' pants.
Now, all of this stuff that I just described here is what I observed as a habitual pattern in each of these girls that I'm referring to that I met over the course of my twenties.
True, this is only my personal sample-set, but due to the fact that:
- They all came from different ethnic backgrounds
- Were in different age groups,
- Had different body shapes and sizes, and
- Were raised in different geographic regions
Have led me to conclude that I'm pretty much on target with this. All of these things that I observed really made me upset inside because I didn't understand the motivation.
It's really the perfect system--- you get to check out other potential suitors, learn about their personalities, observe how much they're willing to do for you over an extended period of time, and you don't have to put out for them.
As I progressed with my game, the tables turned. I was in the position where I was dating a girl, and there were multiple girls who wanted to date me.
Whenever I reached a crossroads of this nature, I simply thought "what would an attractive girl do with multiple suitors? -- Make them her friends!!"
And it was like a light bulb going off in my head.
I became the attractive person, and the other girls who wanted to date me-- they're the orbiters. It's really a wonderful thing-- to be able to have droves of persons of the opposite sex constantly pining after you, calling you, giving you attention, but since you're not on the market, all you have to do is give them "just enough" to keep them interested... interested enough to be your friend.
I'm quite certain that no attractive girl thinks of it in these terms that I'm describing here, but that's effectively what is going on. The net effect remains the same whether that's the "real" reason beautiful girls do it or not. The moment you break up with her, there are always suitors (and losers) clamoring for her attention to console her for with " he's an asshole / badboy who doesn't deserve you (but I'd really like to sleep with you so that's really why I'm being nice)."
I mean, let's get real people... why would a Square be "friends" with an attractive girl for an extended period of time (in some cases, this was a period of several years with a few of the dozen or so girls that I mentioned), BUY her things (ranging from casual dinners to full blown jewelry and international holidays), drive her to Ikea to buy furniture (or hire a car service for her), run errands for her, help her with stuff, and do all manner of things that they would NEVER do for another dude even if he was your best friend?
'cuz they "just want to be friends?" HELL NO!
So, fellas, when you get to the point where you find a girl that you really like and that you want to be in an long term relationship with, go back to those other girls you once dated, and make THOSE GIRLS your friends. Female Squares. Orbiters. Whatever the hell you want to call it.
Actually, just do to them what an attractive girl would do to the guys that were sweating her
Put HER in the friend zone until it's time for you look for a new girlfriend.
Labels: Beginner's Hell, Orbiters