Today represents a historic moment for me. I have been shit tested before, but I have NEVER been shit tested with as much depth and voracity as I have today. I am happy to tell all of you, though, that regardless of how things turn out with HB10, I feel damn good. I feel this way because I passed all of the shit tests simply by being me.No mind games, no routines, no clever answers-- all I had to do was to say, in a simple and honest way, who I am and what I stand for.
Here's what happened:
Today I left my apartment to go to xyz to buy xyz. Lots of people who live in my neighborhood go to xyz, so it's a pretty well trafficked place. On the way, there, I spotted HB10 from about 20 feet away while walking down the street. I immediately diverted my path, went right up to her and her friend:
A (attract and approach)
me: [direct opener]
hb10: Thank you!
me: [follow up to direct opener]
hb10: Oh my!
B (buying temperature and banter)
C (comfort and connection)
D (direct interest)
E (extract and escalate)
me: I was just about to go xyz shopping, and after that, I'm going to have an xyz. Would you like to guys like to join me?
her friend: I'm going to go shopping, but you can go if you want.
hb10: Um, well, we're going to go shopping, but you're going to xyz, right?
hb10: Well, perhaps we'll catch up with you there then.
me: Ok. Do you have a phone?
hb10: Yes, I have a phone.
me: Great! Here, I'll punch in my number.
We exchange numbers, and then part ways.
Now, after we parted, I went to xyz to eat some xyz, and then go go shopping for xyz. While I was shopping, I talked to 2 other girls there. We had some pleasant conversation, and I number closed one of those 2 other girls.
Now, I didn't know this at the time, but while I was doing that, HB10 and her friend were in xyz, at a distance (so I couldn't see them), and were watching me, and they observed that I was talking to those 2 other girls. Fast forward about 10 minutes, and I proceed to the checkout counter. While I"m on the way there, I spot HB10.
A (attract and approach)
me: Hey, HB10! How are you?
B (buying temperature and banter)
me: So, I"m about to pay at the checkout counter, but after that, I'm going to get an xyz, and I'd love it if you'd join me.
hb10: Are you going to have xyz at xyz?
me: Yes... and I'd prefer to have it with you.
hb10: Well, maybe we could meet some other time during the week. I'm spending the day with my friend today.
me: Ok. That sounds great.
I really felt attracted to this girl, so I went directly back into D, and made 2 more statements of direct interest. I also commented on why I came over to talk to her in the first place.
As I'm about to walk away, her friend, who was standing behind me (unbeknownst to me), blurts out:
(note: "her" is the friend of HB10)
Shit test #1 (intended to determine if I'm a "player", and if I lie to girls)
her: I saw you talking to some other girls today. (she was referring to the two other girls that I talked to while they were watching me from a distance, unbeknownst to me)
me: Yes, I certainly did. I talked to 2 other girls today.
shit test #2 (intended to determine if I'm sincere when I approach girls)
her: [angry tone of voice] So that's just what you do, huh? Go out on a Saturday and talk to girls?
me: If you're asking me if I talk to girls I"m attracted to, the answer is definitely yes. Why? Are you jealous?
her: NO. I'M NOT JEALOUS AT ALL. You're not attractive AT ALL, in my eyes.
me: I respect that. [pause] Listen, I feel that you don't like me... I feel that you have a lot of negative energy towards me.
shit test #3 (intended to determine if I am really shopping at xyz, or if that's just a front)
her: Well, yeah. 'Cuz you were walking around talking to lots of other girls today. Is that what you do on Saturdays?
me: I go shopping at xyz just like everyone else here, and yes, if there is a girl that I see that I"m attracted to, then yes, I definitely go up to her and talk to her.
shit test #4 (intended to determine my motives for approaching her friend)
her: [nasty tone of voice] Well, GOOD FOR YOU. I hope you find what your looking for.
me: Listen, since you're so skeptical about me, let me tell you some more. For the first 29 years of my life, I was really socially awkward, and I was unable to talk to girls. So, I consulted the help of a professional dating coach... so that I could work on myself and improve my life.
shit test #5 (intended to determine the sincerity in my statements of direct interest)
her: [sarcastic tone of voice] Oh, so this is just PRACTICE for you? Are you practicing on these girls?
me: [plain tone of voice] No. I did, for about 9 months. But now, that's over.
her: is that right?
me: Yeah. [pause] During the time when I was practicing, I downloaded all kinds of cheesey pickup lines and routines that I would recite to girls.
But now, that's over. So when I approach a girl, all I do is just say how I feel, and be honest. If I feel attracted to a girl, then I let her know that. It's just how I feel.
shit test #6 (intended to see if I would allow a stranger, i.e., her, to put me down for my choices in life. I answered this shit test by taking pride in my choices, and owning ALL of my actions and decisions)
her: [mean tone of voice] Well, good luck with that. I hope you find what your looking for.
me: Listen, if I'm with a girl, and I'm in a committed relationship, then I'm with that one girl, and that's that. I'm not in a relationship right now. That's why I approached your friend.
shit test #7 (intended to determine, again, if I am a "player," and that I lie to girls)
her: But until then.. you'll just talk to any girl that you want to?
me: If I'm attracted to her, then OF COURSE! Any guy who tells you that he's not doing that is lying.
her: Not doing what?
me: Approaching girls that he's attracted to!!
When I'm in a committed relationship, then I'm in a committed relationship, and that's the end of it. But when I'm single, I'm REALLY single. I've been single since xyz month.
shit test #8 (intended to determine the honesty of what I just said)
her: Is that right? [skeptical tone of voice]
me: [plain tone of voice] Yes.
So listen, if you don't want me to call your friend, I respect that. The circumstances are a little random and wierd, and you don't know me.
her: That's right! I don't know you.
me: Yeah. So that's why I respect your opinion. And if you don't want me to call your friend...
her: she's my roommate. [nasty tone of voice]
me: If you don't want me to call your roommate, then I won't. If you want to know even more about how I got to where I am, and why I approach girls like this, you can read about it on my blog. I have nothing to hide.
her: Oh, well, that's good. [pause] Nah, I don't need to read it.
HB10: Guys... I don't think it's really a big deal.
Now this was really sweet. I felt pretty good when she stepped in and said this, because I knew, in the back of my mind, that HB10 is used to having high quality men in her life, and she knows that guys who are good with women, are good with women.
That's the way it works.
Aside from that, she knows that she's getting approached by guys all the time, so again, she knows the way it works. Her friend on the other hand, who was incessantly shit testing me, was not very attractive, and does not know how modern-day dating works, because she's NOT used to having high quality men in her life, and she is not used to talking to guys who are good with women, and she definitely doesn't get approached by guys very often.
me: You know, I really respect your honesty. It takes a lot of courage to say what you just said.
her: What do you mean?
me: Well, it's really easy for a girl to just be mean to a guy and say "I don't like you. Go away." It's easy to do that because it requires no honesty. However, you actually told me what you honestly thought about me, and I appreciate that. That takes a lot of guts, and I respect that.
me: Have a good day.
Things that I did well:
I answered all of her friends shit tests completely, sincerely, and honestly. In my mind, there was actually nothing to be tested, because this is my life. I'm single, I approach girls that I'm attracted to, and I am honest. There's really nothing to apologize for. Based on the tone of her voice, she was very mean to me, she was trying to determine if I am some kind of player, and if I'm out to lie to women or "hurt" women. I'm not. That's why I say that there's nothing to be tested in me, really. I'm single.
Things that I could have done better:
On my initial approach, I probably didn't give enough attention to the friend. I also had some nutty idea in my mind that I didn't have enough time to go into C, so I went straight to E. However, going forward, I think I'm just going to remain in C.
Skipping C has all kinds of harmful side effects, and after field testing this numerous times, I have basically convinced myself that it's simply not worth it to try to set up a date with a girl if I can't even get into comfort with her (whether it be a circumstance under my control or not doesn't matter-- if the C is not there, then the phone number i useless).
On top of all of that, I believe that due to the lack of C, the roommate decided to wage war on me through shit testing. Now, in a normal situation, any typical guy would say something like:
"um.. uh... I was just being friendly."
or something defensive like:
"Why do you care?"
But I can guarantee you that NO ONE, and I mean 0% of the male population in the U.S., would go to the extent of describing how and why I needed to hire the services of a professional dating coach (i.e., the Asian Playboy), to help me become less socially awkward.
That, my friends, is about as honest as a guy can get. And if, after sharing all of that with the friend, and if she still chooses to cock block me (and I'm 99.99% sure that she will), I'm actually still ok with that.
Because I did everything that I could. I was a complete man. I gave a truthful account of everything that she was shit testing me on-- my motivations, my intentions, my actions-- everything.
Things I've never done before:
I've never been shit tested so thoroughly before, and I've never answered shit tests so thoroughly before. From this day forward, I would be very surprised if any girl is ever able to shit test me for the rest of my life.
- Pump Action (NYC)
Labels: Alumni, Field Report, New York City, Pump Action, Shit Test