"That's when I finally understood what an identity is. It is your source of pride, energy, and inner game."
Gatsby here. It's 4:11 AM... and I need a break from studying. In the last bootcamp, I taught a 15-minute lecture about "Beginner's Hell" and good feedback from the students. During the lecture, I gave five key advices that were crucial in overcoming my Beginner's Hell.Before we continue, let's define Beginner's Hell:
"Beginner's Hell – period in which the man learns and applies the do's and don't of becoming a PUA, a man, a leader. For some, it takes a few weeks or months. For some, it takes as much as two years. Essentially, It's the period between where you first get into the game and when you have your successful breakthroughs."
And as APB states: "Greatness & Success in Pick-up is not defined by the ability to out-routine, out-game... but it is by Resilience / Persistence... the ability to get back up after absorbing the kind of rejection or ego blow that would embarrass or humiliate others."
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Part 1. Strong Sense of Identity
That sounds simple, right? Even a bit... Anthony Robbins-like. But I never really grasped that phrase until recently.
I remember my friend George telling me, "I'm just a doctor, man. Girls find me boring, dude..." I almost bitch-slapped him and yelled, "WTF, are you stupid or something? You make $350,000 a year, working 40 hours a week. Do you know what kind of lifestyle you can provide a girl? You busted your ass for 10 years to become a doctor. That shows dedication and intelligence." And I have numerous examples of talented, experienced, educated, intelligent friends (both in and out of the community) who feel like they're not "worthy" or "interesting" enough.
That's when I finally understood what an identity is. It is your source of pride, energy, and inner game.
It's how you define yourself. If I have to state my identity, it'd be, "I'm a business man. I'm an entrepreneur. I am and will always continue to be successful person. I also enjoy street combat and boxing, working out, teaching students, exploring the city and traveling, community service, and classical music. I'm also very close with my family."
The first part is my main identity, while the rest add to who I am. (Damn... I'm reading that again right now... I sound pretty cool...)
I realized that as men, we bring women into our world. I mean, that's why Style's favorite quote, "This is my reality. You are a guest." is like a mantra amongst us PUAs. But if you feel like your world is not interesting enough, you thus believe that you don't have enough value to give to the girl. No wonder you're afraid of approaching or talking to the girl. You probably feel like a "taker" who wants something from her (her validation, her body, her company, etc.) If your world, which comes from your identity is powerful, you should feel good that you're bringing her into it.
I realized that thinking in this way has another good side effect that you realize certain aspects of your identity that you want to improve upon or even add onto. Getting a girlfriend made me realize that I lack the physical abilities to protect her, so I began to take more fighting classes and weight-training.
There are still times where I doubt my self-value when it comes to women and even friends. That's when I reflect on my identity and re-inforce to myself that I'm a person of value and I have lots to give.
Your identity is your foundation for everything you do. A bootcamp and PUA materials will improve your social dynamics, communication skills, pick-up abilities and skillsets and improve you both internally and externally. After the bootcamp and during Beginner's Hell, however, it is ultimately YOU and your identity that you need to work on the most to get the results that you want.